5 Questions With: Sheila Weinstein

Posted April 22, 2009, 4:12 pm in Books


Sheila Weinstein was only 11 years old when she met her future husband. After waiting nine years to tie the knot, she and her soulmate spent 42 years in wedded bliss. But when he was diagnosed with dementia and later died, Sheila found herself alone. Determined not to be lonely, she decided to forge a new life -- but how to begin? She says she decided to fight for her place in life, and started writing to release her grief. Those pages turned into a book, "Moving to the Center of the Bed: The Artful Creation of a Life Alone," and now Sheila is a role model of hope for men and women facing the tragedy of death, illness and divorce.

Sheila shares her story in this edition of 5 Questions With. To learn more about her work, click here. And for other articles in the 5 Questions With library, click here.


You met your husband when you were only 11, and married him when you were 20. It's tragic when any of us loses a loved one, but I imagine your husband had become an extension of you. In the dark days, how did you keep going?

I wouldn't say that my husband was an extension of me -- as I was not an extension of him. We were partners and we complemented each other. He had strengths and so did I and they played well together. We were married for 42 years when he was diagnosed with dementia and just short of 50 years when he died. The emptiness of his place beside me is still felt every day. Going on after such a loss is the most difficult thing because it is so overwhelming to realize that you will never have the love of your life beside you again. That your life has changed forever.  I think it takes time and above all patience with yourself as you move through the grief and terrible loss; patience and compassion for yourself and the journey that you are now on. You have to just sit still and feel all the emotions and talk yourself through it. And not rush anything. It takes each of us whatever time it takes to begin to be able to move forward.  But, having therapy, being with supportive family and friends are all important in helping you to cope and more than that...to find your way into a new life.

What have been the biggest challenges in your journey? The biggest successes, or joyous moments? And what's your advice for someone who's still working toward a "normal" life after loss?

The biggest challenges had to do with making sure my husband had the best care when he was no longer with me so that I could watch over him. And knowing, truly feeling the fact that I would most probably be living alone for the rest of my life.

My biggest successes I would say were finding out that I could do it, that I could be comfortable in a new life, that still had passion and purpose. In a more concrete way, two big successes for me have been publishing my book and having people tell me it has helped them, and in no small way, playing in Carnegie Hall.

My advice to someone who is still working toward a 'normal' life after the loss of a loved one is that 'normal' is whatever it is for you. Please don't let anyone tell you how long to grieve or that you should be doing this and not that. Take the time that you need and do it your way. Have compassion for the difficult journey you are on and don't be afraid to feel all the feelings. If you run from them, they will follow. Losing your partner is never over. I grieve for my husband every day. But it does get easier as you begin to fill your life with the things you love.


Tell us about your life these days. You're a writer, a docent, a pianist -- it sounds like you've been able to discover yourself, even amid the loss of your husband.

My live these days is still one of discovery. I am in a city I love, but because I spent the first years here writing and finishing my book, I did not meet a lot of new friends. I'm still interested in having more friends who share my interests but it's not easy in this big city. However, I love my work at Carnegie Hall, I still practice the piano, I go to the theater, concerts, museums and out to lunches and dinners with friends and family. My son and his wife live in Brooklyn and I am visited by my two daughters and grandchildren when they can get away from their own busy lives. I am also finishing up a novel I began before I started writing Moving to the Center of the Bed. That is a great joy. I've been involved in the 'real' world for so long that it's a pleasure to take myself out of it into my characters' lives and give them the hard work to do!

What are your goals for the future, both personal and professional?

I would like to finish my novel and then take a look around me. I feel change coming on in that I am looking to do something different with my life. I'm thinking that whatever I do next will involve good works. I've spent a long time thinking about my self, my life, learning more about my strengths, and what I still need to work on but I need to move out of myself and into new projects and interests to keep myself interested and interesting.


How are you Growing Bolder instead of growing older?

I think my life experience has made me aware that I can take chances, big leaps out of my comfort zone and be okay, in fact more than okay, be the woman of my own dreams. Reach out for what I want and grab it. Try new things and go to new places. I intend to keep doing that. No time to waste!

Sheila Weinstein grew up in New Jersey met her future husband when she was 11 and married him at 20. She now lives in New York City, where she continues to write. She works as a docent at Carnegie Hall, taking visitors on tours every Monday. She is also a pianist and played in Carnegie Hall’s Weill Recital Hall in
September of 2008.
 
Sheila especially enjoys spending time with family and friends; her special dog, Pooh; walking in Central Park; learning new piano pieces; reading; writing her novel; going to concerts, theater and museums; watching the sun rise over the East River from her living room window and set behind the New York skyline.

To learn more about Sheila, click here. And for more articles in the 5 Questions With library, click here.


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