Tacky, Tacky!

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Added: Sun. Aug 17, 2008 6:22pm
Posted in: Entertainment

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Actually, truth be told, we’re all up in there with being tacky...but tackiness is as tacky does, as The Ancient One is want to say.  I’m still not sure what that means, but I think she was trying to tell us that there actually ARE times when tackiness is both unavoidable and almost necessary.  But then, don’t we all have a tendency to choose whatever definition suits our purposes...which is so tacky!

Here’s a definition example for me: 

Trying to dumb yourself down so you won’t sound as SMART as you really are!  Does this make sense?  I’ve been guilty of this myself...like when I was younger and a ‘rodeo whore.’  If I wanted to take one of the cowboys home from the dance hall, I would make myself sound like I’d grown up in a double-wide...didn’t know how to speak the King’s English and had been in jail for ‘girl fighting’  a time or two. It always worked...that is, if I could get them out of my house before sun-up.  If they saw my lovely art collection, silk Ralph Lauren robe or espresso machine, the jig was up!

Tacky is dreaming of becoming a STAR and then complaining about all the downsides that come along with that...especially since you’ve SEEN the downsides with all the other stars who complain about the lengths to which they have to go to get away from people who want to take their photos (the paparazzi, who do, in fact CONFIRM the definition of the word tacky)...but I’m just sayin.  Luckily for us as The Midlife Gals, when fames scoops us up outta nowhere, the paparazzi won’t be the slightest bit interested, especially if we don’t wear our bras or panties...knowWhatIMean??? 

And, lastly, I think it’s really tacky to be mistaken about something awful that you may say about someone else.  Get your facts STRAIGHT before you tell the world that Vicky has a penis.  Do your research so Dan won’t be offended when you tell his supervisor that he’s an opium addict, and for Gawd’s SAKE, check out the body in the casket personally before you tell a fellow mourner at Jack’s funeral how much he loved his wife.  The reason she’s not there is because his last request was to be buried in that Chinese red teddy with garter and stockings!!

KK

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Tacky, tacky, tacky…

Three  things come to mind that are always associated with tackiness;  pink flamingos in the yard, Elvis paintings on black velvet, and red satin sheets.  Any of those things will make me re-evaluate whether I really want to be friends, sleep with or eat food at that person’s house.  I would be afraid they would serve me pickled pig’s feet or have a pit bull whose name is Killer.

Being rude to waiters is tacky and so is wearing flip-flops to the White House, double dipping at the hors doeuvres table and telling the hostess that her brand new house looks like a dentist’s office.  I think The Ancient One actually said that to Peggy Gugenhiem at a party in New York about sixty years ago.  Talk about tacky. 

The Ancient One is not really tacky though and I don’t think KK and I are either.  We try to remain gracious and well-mannered even as we slop down cheese enchiladas a Maude’s Tex Mex, slurp down Buds at Stubb’s Bar-B-Q, and send air-kisses to our favorite valet parkers at the Four Seasons.  We love them and they don’t make us pay for parking.  They know we steal hand towels from the ladies restrooms but they’re really made of paper and we always over tip.

Tipping 15% is tacky and so is nursing in public, anything with a zebra print, and carrying a stupid, little arfer dog in your purse.  Come to think of it, Paris Hilton is tacky…and so are Jack Black, Howard Stern, and Leona Helmsley.  Actually, she’s dead but still…her eyebrows defined the word, ‘tacky’.

Saying ‘ta ta’ is tacky, so I’ll just say ‘loveyadon’teverchange’,

SalGal