The Baby Boomers are Coming!!!

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Added: Wed. Jan 06, 2010 12:58pm
Posted in: Entertainment

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For those who wish they could be members of our really FUN club, you would have to have been born between 1946 and 1964.  The oldest of us started out as mere seeds in the lustful minds of our father soldiers during World War II, fighting for the right and privilege to come home and bang their wives who had been having the same thoughts.  They were legion.  And, now...so are we.

No one has absolute numbers on us, but suffice to say, we’re somewhere between 77 and 80 MILLION, which represents almost 30% of the population in the U.S.  Hispanics of any age represent the other 70%.  Every seven seconds someone is turning 50.  Every 2.3 seconds another fold of skin is found somewhere on the boomer body where it should not be.  I made up that last stat, but if any lab technician were paying attention, they’d do a study on it.

Evidently, millions of us are caring for an elderly parent too, because the caregiving marketplace is $800 BILLION.  We would rather have given that money to a retirement facility on behalf of The Ancient One, alas, we spent most of it on a gigantic, incredibly unattractive but functional Lazy Boy recliner that not only helps her raise and lower herself, but unfolds into a practical bed...hence the selling price.  And, there she lives out her remaining years, months, whatever...we’re doing our part!

I’d discuss baby boomer dating, but I’m wholly unfamiliar with it.  I’m sure the stats are frightening with regard to the number percentage of living, available, handsome men to amazing, strong, gorgeous, available boomer women, but the medical community is working on that disparity.  Thank God for the mapping of the genome, and boomers can be thanked for THAT idea.

Boomers are smart enough to be online too...65 million of our almost 80 million are doing this even as I cyber-speak.  Why do you think we started our blog??  We just had to figure out what the word blog meant, and I’m pretty sure a yung’un made up that word, but no matter...we’re doin’ it online...everything.  If online ‘boomer’ shoppers were discounted in the overwhelming numbers coming in now, there would be but a mere trickle.  It’s just because we’re too old and too lazy and too smart to go to a MALL.

Now we need boomer content on television and at the movies!  The Midlife Gals are knocking on that door.  There are 18-34-yr-olds who are answering the door presently, and they are still pretty cocky about their age-range for marketers, but we know there’s a geezer behind door number 57 who will open it and welcome us in with open arms, a fat pocketbook and the PERFECT place for The Midlife Gals’ form of boomer madness.

Stay tuned,

KK

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I read that by the year 2010, 108 million people will be over 45 years old.  Well, guess what?  By my reckoning, we are there.  So, what does this mean for the world?  Peace and love?  Tried it, didn’t work.  Free sex?  Oh, Jesus, look where that got us.  Who’s your baby-daddy?  Rock’n’Roll  and good weed as an alternative to Frank Sinatra and a Whiskey Sour?  WELCOME TO WOODSTOCK!

I also read that households headed by someone 40 or older hold 91% of America’s net worth.  Better be nice to us.  You don’t want to be cut out of the will, now…do you?  If you hang in there long enough and make sure we don’t end up in a state-run nursing home, we will leave you our Grateful Dead, tie-died, collectible t-shirt, our backstage badge to the last Jimmy Hendrix concert, and the 78 million dollars we made from realizing that computers were a great investment and definitely not a fad.

Did you know that Boomers constitute 35% to 38% of internet users?  Pretty astounding, isn’t it?  Over one third of people online are forty five or older (right up to 64).  Scary.  And yet the 18-to-34-year-old demographic was dictating television programming during the eighties and nineties.  That’s over.  Face it.  We like Dexter, Breaking Bad, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Mad Men, Rescue Me, and any other show where the hero treats twenty-year-olds like they are the computer-addicted, inexperienced, mall lizards that they are.  Twilight may have been box office gold but it took a boomer to take a chance, invest his own money, and create a world of flying dragons, blue warriors, and magical, white trees that generated one BILLION dollars within the space of two weeks on the market.  That takes experience and story-telling genius topped only by Walt Disney.  And he’s dead.

Boomers make great muses. We are here and we are happy to help.  All you have to do is ask.  And you will probably have to pay us money, but it will be worth it, and you won’t end up having to ask your mother for money because you thought you knew it all and wanted to bypass the ‘work’ part of life.  Find one and ask, no, beg for their ideas and expertise on anything that you find you love to do.  This will save you a lot of time, about 12 mistakes, and 3 unnecessary trips to self-help and money-management seminars.

SalGal