The Fashion Police Check In!

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Added: Tue Jul 8th 11:16am
Posted in: Entertainment

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If God had built us without judgment, we’d be better off...maybe...but it’s commenting on what other people wear and look like that makes for an insane amount of laughter and gratitude...the, “There but for the grace of GAWD go I” kind of gratitude.

Tell me you’ve never looked at your friend and said something like, “Jeeez, ya think that woman looked in her mirror this morning and said, “YES!!!  These stilettos with these shorty shorts and my tee shirt with the “Dangling Participle” on the front, right over my falling, middle-aged bosoms will be the PERFECT outfit to wear to the office today!!”  I’m just sayin.

Then, the tables turn and you spy some UNBELIEVABLY attractive, stylish, tall, classically dressed woman your age...and by the way, you’re at the grocery store and because you didn’t think it would matter, you wore those cotton leggings that shrank so the crotch is about 4 inches below your actual crotch, and you wore your white granny panties so they show through and above the elastic waist...and YOU wore your tee shirt that says, “National Beef Council” on it...you know, the one you got as a sample with your Omaha Steaks mail delivery a month ago.  Well, hellfire, you hadn’t a CLUE that you’d run into a Ralph Lauren model in aisle 5 at Randall’s for Criminy sake!!

Sally and I are pretty stern with our comments from the safety of our sedan as we drive around the A-Town on our errands.  We’re easily distracted by those whose fashion choices have escaped the norm and fallen into a category that almost defies description....mmmmm...off we go on a tirade and laugh fest, but we’re always barely glancing at each other with that incredibly subtle look as if to say, “Are we going to burn in hell?”  WhatEVER!

KK

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It’s a good thing  I have KK to be my Fashion Monitor.  Those of you who check in regularly know very well that I cannot be trusted in the women’s blouse department at Dillard’s, the pants department at Nordstrom’s, or even the Men’s department at the Gap.  See, one of the things I love is what KK calls ‘the man-shirt.’  It’s big, flowy, and generally has flowers or pictures of palm trees and Japanese symbols.  I love these.  It has been really hard for me to give them up but KK has said she will never take me to the movies again unless I give them to Goodwill or that guy with the cardboard sign on the corner of I-35 and Enfield. 

If left to my own devices I would look like a cross between Liza Minelli and Mick Jagger.  Skinny pants with the Liza big shirts that flow and the same kind of make-up.  Yes, I love Mick’s eye shadow.

I like to wear five different kinds of jewelry at once.  KK has taught me that some killer earrings and a copper or silver cuff is all that’s needed.  I’m starting to look like Ray Milan in “Golden Earrings.”  That’s okay though because the first time I saw him come out of the gypsy’s coach wearing those golden hoops in his ears and pirate shirt with his hands on his hips…well, I need to go fan myself.  Actually, I would look good in that outfit and I bet Marlene Dietrich would like me better in it than Ray.  Oh, come on, the woman preferred men’s suits to lingerie and everybody in Hollywood knew it.

So, anyway, I’m always working on my style and it ain’t easy because I was always too worried about my movie jobs where everybody just wore jeans and t-shirts with movie titles on them.  Yeah, and any woman on a movie set wearing heels is either an actor, the hotel check-in-girl the director met the night before, or some woman who accidentally walks through the set on her way to a ‘Personal Assistant’ job interview with Carmen Electra.

SalGal