The WHY'S of Life

Views: 882
Added: Thu. Sep 11, 2008 11:41am
Posted in: Entertainment

• » print
• » report
• » email

So, I was wondering yesterday why my eyebrows, by the end of a day, have dust in them?  And, then I began to wonder why we even have them.  I mean, I understand why we have eyelashes.  Aren’t they there to keep the dust out of our eyes?  The eyebrows seem too far ‘north’ to really make a difference, don’t they?  But, then I figured out the answer because when you see someone withOUT eyebrows don’t they look odd?  So, Gawd must have put them there to make us prettier...like he put ear lobes at the bottom of our ears so we could wear earrings.  That’s the only reason I can figure about that

The ‘why’ questions then flooded into my addled brain.  Well, it was the dog-days of August so I had little else to occupy my thoughts.

My next question is why cats carry grudges?  Dogs don’t carry grudges.  They just sit there and look at you with unbridled love and unconditional trust, don’t they?  Cats get pissed off.  When I spanked Sal’s cat, Buddy, the other day for doing something that he wasn’t supposed to do, he looked at me as if to say, “You BITCH.  I’m a CAT, for Christ’s sake, and I’m just going to do what you spanked me for when you’re not looking so, GET OVER IT!”  You have to use psychology when dealing with a cat.  Dogs just look at you like, “What can I do to please you today...just tell me and I’ll do it.  I’ll love you no matter how much of a BITCH you are.”

I was in the ‘animal’ stream of why questions when it came to me....why do horses let you ride them?  I mean, they’re huge and strong and they can buck you off their backs.  They do that when they’re sick and tired of you on their backs, but why didn’t they do that early on and every time someone tried to ride them?  People don’t ride Zebras, right?  They must have figured that out early on and just did not cooperate...that and their forequarters aren’t really strong enough to carry some big, fat Zebra-riding cowboy wannabe.

And, speaking of cowboys, why don’t cowboys like opera?  Most operas are tragic and the woman dies a pitiful, long, slow death at the end.  The man is always leaving or cheating or drinking.  I mean, the themes are exactly the same, and in opera, they just sing better.  Find me a cowboy who likes opera and my man search days will be OVER! 

And, my last question in this first of a series on ‘why’ questions is...why do white people dance?  I don’t care how much rhythm we think we have...we DON’T.  I don’t think Gawd made us to dance.  He just hopes that we’ll stand and sway in place and not embarrass ourselves and everyone else by taking it any further than that.  The white women who dance by themselves, wildly swinging their arms overhead and gyrating in complete defiance of the beat to the music are the ones who should be especially banned from dancing.  They’re in it for themselves.  They’re on drugs.  They think that their souls should fly free.  All, big, dreadful mistakes.  And, do you think they learned that dance in front of the mirror?  I mean, did they think that really worked?  I think Gawd put a gene in their brains that, when triggered by music, gives them delusional ideas of emulating Michael Jackson.  I say, pull them from the dance floor and chain them to their chairs!

Send us your ‘why’ questions!!

KK

*******************************************************

I have a few ‘why’ questions of my own.  The other day KK and I went to Houston to be guests on a radio show.  We took the same route home on the same highway.  Why does the same road look so different when you’re going in the opposite direction?  I’m still not sure why KK laughed at that.

Why do tornados aim for trailer parks?  Why are there wasps and why do people eat Brussels’ Sprouts?  There is no reason for wasps.

Here’s one; Why is Keanu Reeves a movie star?  Think about it.  The rumor for years around Hollywood was that he gave the best BJ’s in town and to all the right people.  That’s one way to get famous but I must admit he has longevity.

Why do people live in West Texas?  You could say they raise cotton or cattle but you could work at the local cupcake shop and make more money than they do.  They are out there in the brown, middle of nowhere, there’s no water, trees or mountains, and you can only make so many Christmas decorations out of tumble weeds.  I’m sure some people live there because there is oil in them thar prairie dog towns.  That’s great, and you can become instantly rich when they hit a good well on your back forty, but then I wonder why they wouldn’t want to get out of that God-forsaken waist land and head for the trees.  And yet they stay, looking out the kitchen window at the kids playing with tarantulas and wondering what happened to that best friend who moved to Austin in 1983.  Do they see green every time they drive to the Home Depot to get some hedge clippers?  West Texas people don’t need hedge clippers because NOTHING GROWS OUT THERE!

What ever happened to LSD?  Why doesn’t anybody sell it anymore?  Is Ecstasy really better?  I’ve never tried the latter so I’m not sure.  I did enough LSD (Acid) in college to kill an armadillo and then it just disappeared.  Sunshine, purple paper, window pane.  It was good stuff and not addictive.  You could take a hit of acid and stay high for eight hours.  Mind expanding.  Things vibrated, the world warped into a wonderland, and you never had to air out the car when it was done. 

I can’t remember why I decided not to do it anymore.  Could be because it expanded my mind into oblivion?

SalGal