We're Better Off Without Them!

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Added: Sun. Jan 06, 2008 11:56am
Posted in: Entertainment

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Can you believe all the celebrities who died in '07? I'm sure you saw the names. Every newspaper in the country ran a list back around new years of those who didn't make it out alive. Don't you hate that? It's enough to bring anybody down. Of course, it's bad news for people on the list, but it's bad news for all of us. It shoves your own mortality right in your face. Who needs that kind of reminder? So, to wash those thoughts right out of your mind, here's a bit of a twist. With tongue planted firmly in cheek, here now, is Bill Shafer's List of People I Hope Will Die in 2008. Please feel free to add to the list with your comments at the bottom of the page!

1. Osama Bin Laden: Why does it seem the only way we’ll ever find this guy is if we send in the IRS? Or maybe the paparazzi?

2. The guy who invented erectile dysfunction pills: I’m not saying they don’t do a lot of good. I’m not even saying I wouldn’t try them myself. It’s just that we all have to spend so much time deleting those ads from our inboxes we never get around to spending any time near our wives’ inboxes! So, what’s the point?

3. The guy at the classic hits radio station who thinks Elton John is the only one who made any records between 1970 and 1990: I don’t mind an occasional Elton hit every now and then, but c’mon, Elton John spends more time in my car than I do!

4. Whoever invented the credit card: Thanks for that. Now I can spend the next few years paying for all the stuff I couldn’t afford this year but bought anyway. Hey, it’s the American way.

5. Anybody who’s ever in front of me on the road: Hey, if you’re going to go that slow, pull over! Just for once, get out of the way, will ya?

6. The guy at the electronics repair shop that still has the VCR I brought by in September, 2002: I think they drop those things straight into the garbage as soon as you walk out of the shop. By the time I get it back VHS tapes will be as rare as records. Maybe they already are!

7. The people who convinced stay-at-home spouses that we breadwinners should do more housework: When was the last time your spouse came into the office so you could knock off for a few hours?

8. Did I mention Osama Bin Laden?

9. The creator of the Subprime Loan: Did somebody really think lending hundreds of thousands of dollars to people who can’t afford the payments was going to work?

10. Anyone who would actually wish anyone else dead: What kind of jerk would do that? Uh-oh! Where’s that delete button?

Now it's YOUR turn. Who did I leave out? Who else should be on the list? Add your comments here!