Worry, Worry, Worry!!

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Added: Sun. Dec 21, 2008 1:40pm
Posted in: Entertainment

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I went to an ashram once many years ago.  I had to be there for a whole month in order to get a yoga teaching certificate.  At the end of our program, we would be tested, both with a written exam and then presenting an entire one-hour yoga class of our own.  Well, I was just worried sick about it for days because I wanted OUT of the ashram.  It was creepy and culty, and those people were not members of my tribe.  There was one little crippled bliss ninny who lived and taught at the ashram, and shortly before our test, she announced to our class that she was available for worrying.  This notion, at the time, solidified to me that these people were just plain nutty.  The more I began to think about her offer and worry about my upcoming exam, I thought...’what the hell.’  So, I found her and asked her to worry for me.

I’ll tell you what...that shit is powerful!  I just ‘gave it up’ to that little crippled bliss ninny and went on about my way...watching the other students ponder, sweat and worry their little heads off.  I was cool as a cucumber, I swear, and passed my exams with flying colors. I still use her to this day...only I have to picture her in my head.  I’m sure she’s still out there worrying for everyone, so I mentally add my name to her lists.  

I googled “professional worrier” because I think there is some money in this idea.  I wouldn’t be like the ninny from the ashram and worry for free...are you kidding me?  That could do permanent damage to both my psyche AND my soul.  Oh no...I’d charge out the wazoo to worry for other people.  You have to be a strong-assed person to do this kind of work.  On second thought, I don’t want this job.  I’ve done it all my life anyway...playing the baby-child-pleaser of my family.  That allows for plenty of worrying.  But, in this economy, just think of what a great gig being a worrier would be.  You could make a MINT!  Be sure to have a psychiatrist on retainer though, because you’ll probably need her.

I just keep practicing the “yes, and...” instead of the “yes...but.”  This whole ‘going-with-the-flow’ thingy may sound trite, but trite is truth for me these days.  So, I’m skipping along the yellow brick road tossing out my cares and worries, watching them glob onto the mean apple trees in the forest as I head to the Emerald City.  I hear they’ve got a GREAT spa!!

KK
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Worrying is a waist of time. It is spending time thinking about things you don’t want.  Now you are worse than broke, you have spent your wad as a block of time you could have enjoyed with visions in your mind of crystal palaces and clouds shaped like angels.

I heard a story once about a monk or a lama or someone like that who had spent his whole life meditating in silence.  In his very old age, as he lay dying with his students all around him, he said four words, “Don’t worry, be happy.”  Bobby Mcferrin heard this story too and that’s why he wrote the song with the title of the same four words.  If he had lived a few moments longer he may have had another four words to say, “Shut the fuck up.”

Shut up the dialogue in your mind about all of your problems and learn to focus your thoughts on beautiful things like tangerines, day lilies and chili dogs.  None of those things cost very much and you can even steal the day lilies from somebody’s yard.  Anyway, why concentrate and wallow in the problems you have?  Take some action steps, look at everything as an opportunity to grow, and be thankful that you are not Leona Helmsley.  She was rich and look at what that got her.  Also, she was as ugly as a bulldog and had the same growl.

Be thankful for what you have and that’s a good way to spend time.  That way you don’t end up broke because your mind-files are full of folders that when opened…bring true wealth.  Gratitude is golden and what better thing to have in the bank than gold.  That way your mind is occupied with thinking of good things and you don’t have that wrinkle between your eyebrows that makes you look like Andy Rooney.  You don’t want to look like Andy Rooney, do you?

Worrying makes you age really fast.  The more you worry the more you turn into a pruny, unhappy blob of useless thoughts.  Hire a Worrier, I’ll do it for you but I don’t come cheap.  Or get a worry-stone and push all of your worries into it and then stash it in a drawer until you have some more to put there.

So, stop it!  Just stop it!  And remember, anything you do a lot….you get really good at eventually.  Start to change your mind’s pictures right now and do it every time you catch yourself worrying.  Soon you’ll be as good at that as you are at driving, making a piece of toast, or…worrying.

Don’t’ worry, everything will be okay,
SalGal