I tried hard to keep from pushing the buzzer I had hidden in my hand, but my finger had a mind of its own. Before I even had time to react mentally, the buzzer sprang into action and did its job – the woman sitting directly across from me felt the full force of the zap – she jerked her head to the left and then to the right, and I silently laughed. Maybe now that broad would put a lid on it, as in SHUT UP.

I was sitting at gate 39 in Atlanta recently, waiting for my late evening flight to Huntsville. The woman that I zapped had a microphone attached to her cheek and, damn it, her phone rang. Because she was totally oblivious to the fact that 25-30 fellow passengers were sitting near her and/or  possibly not giving a crap that she was R-U-D-E, she began, in a loud, irritating voice, to carry on a long, drawn out conversation.   I learned what every friggin’ member of her family got for Christmas – like I cared. In the hope that she would then get off the phone, I kept my finger on the buzzer, but did nothing. THEN, she started a whole different conversation concerning her cousin in New Jersey’s credit problems and I had had it – that’s when I popped her. 

After sitting quietly for a few minutes with a dazed look on her face after  being zapped, she began mumbling into the microphone. I noticed that she was drooling, which was certainly not very attractive. It took about another 60 seconds for that zap to wear off completely and for her to get that loud voice of hers going again. I then let her have it one more time and she wet her pants. Feeling that my work was done, I minded my own business for the next few minutes and then quietly boarded my flight. I have no idea what flight she boarded, but it wasn’t mine, and I was happy about that.