Cahoots: A Southern Snow Plot

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Added: Wed. Mar 03, 2010 6:38pm
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In normal years, we don’t get much snow in these parts.  (“These parts” refer to Atlanta, Georga, USA.) Whenever any TV weather people within 1,000 miles  of the place even think about saying the “S-word”, widespread panic breaks out and people will begin to “get their affairs in order”, as it were.  We immediately dress up like we are all the direct descendants of Jeremiah Johnson, we close the schools, and businesses, increase the Snow Terror Alert to Defcon-6 and then await “further instructions” from NORAD. Most of the time, I figure that NORAD must instruct the general populous to drive their cars as if they've just entered a demolition derby and run out and empty the local grocers’ shelves of bread, milk, and Size D Batteries.

We had exactly 1/2 inch of snow here on yesterday, the third snowfall this year. While I awaited “further instructions”, I  made my own preparations …

 

“What are you doing?"

“Er, uh… nothing, just looking thru the window. Looks like its stopped snowing. But it was pretty while it lasted."

“I know that look on your face. I’ve seen it before. Plenty of times. You’re up to something, aren’t you? ‘Fess up. Aren’t you?”

“Well, if you must know Missy, I’m waiting for Bradley. I’ve got a little surprise for him. Made it this morning when the snow was really coming down. This time the snow is the good ‘n wet kind. Perfect for snowballs. I put it in the freezer while you rushed out to Publix all in a panic. I don’t know why you people always do that. It’s like mass hysteria every time we get a little snow. I think the grocery stores and the weather people are in cahoots.”

“I wasn’t the only one. By the time I got inside the store, there was hardly any bread left. By the way,  I thought that you were going to start acting your age.”

“I don’t see much percentage in it. Who wants to go around acting like an old man? Anyway, the kid started it. Hit me smack in the back of the head when it snowed last month. Remember?"

“You’re old enough to be Bradley’s and Brittany’s grandfather.”

“Yeah, I know. The kid ’s got a helluva arm for an eight year old. TV says school will be letting out early because of the snow. I should be able to see the school bus before it comes up the hill. I can sneak over and hide before he gets off the bus. Then POW! This time, I’ve got the element of surprise…just like when he ambushed me. The little so and so.”

 

“There’s not a lot of snow left. Looks like fast melting this time. Still think you can throw a snowball that far?”

“I had a couple of practice throws…while you were out. When I was a kid, we’d put rocks in the snowball. Really makes ‘em go a long way.”

“You wouldn’t…”

“No, of course not, but  I was just sayin’…”

“You could’ve put somebody’s eye out you know.”

“Shows you that God does protect fools and chil….”

“Well, I guess He didn’t have to make a decision as to which one you guys were.”

 

“Shhh…here comes the bus. I gotta go.”

“Well, I hate to disappoint you”

“Disappoint…”

“I …I …already used your snowball. I found it while looking in the freezer for looking for the pork chops that I needed to thaw out.”

“Wha…”

“Yeah, I ambushed Brittany while you were out in the backyard doing whatever it is you do back there. She stayed home from school. Got her right in the back when she was walking back from their mailbox.  I owed her from last month. She never saw it coming”

“I thought that you were going to start acting your age.”

 

 

©Copyright @2010 Will Cantrell