Emotional Baggage and Dating

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Added: Sat. Jul 25, 2009 10:25am
Posted in: Writing

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In any dictionary you pick up, you’ll find several definitions for the word baggage. For instance, there’s no. 1: The trunks, bags, parcels, and suitcases in which one carries one's belongings while traveling. No. 2: The movable equipment and supplies of an army. No. 3: Superfluous or burdensome practices, regulations, ideas, or traits. No. 4: A woman prostitute. No. 5: An impudent (shameless or brazenly immodest) girl or woman. Numbers 4 and 5 are the ones that I think are the most interesting, but the definition I want to zero in on today is no. 3, which I believe covers emotional baggage. We all have it, once we’re at least 2 or 3 years old, but where it really comes into play is when we’re “of a mature age” and we find ourselves playing the dating game once again. Not having much experience with this myself, I pondered: exactly how much, and what, do I say when I’m on a first date with a guy who doesn’t know my “history”? This is what I’ve decided:

Too short –  “I was married, birthed two children, and have family members who have been in the “big house.”

Too long – “I was married for 38-1/2 years the first time -  2 years, 5 months and 3 days ago he ran off and joined the circus so he could be with a trapeze artist, which I don’t understand because he has a very real fear of clowns. The fear started in his childhood when he was 4 – he came upon a drunk one behind a circus tent – the clown had wild, crazy red hair and a big, blue nose. He (my first husband, not the clown) was terrified! I mean, my first husband had such a thing about clowns that once, when we saw a poster advertising the circus, and the fact that it was coming to town, he cried and wet his pants, and he was in his 40s! I tried to get him to go to counseling, but he wouldn’t go – he decided to wear adult diapers instead when the circus came to town each year so you can see why his choice of a new woman is a mystery to me. Husband no. 2 (I was an emotional wreck when I met him, but I was able to pull myself together enough  to buy cowgirl boots and learn to country western dance – did I mention that he’s from San Antonio?)  and I learned to play golf, which is something I had never really tried, except during Phys Ed in high school, but I grew up in Florida (around Cocoa Beach) and it was so hot that I didn’t really enjoy it; I ran track instead (I know, it was hot out there, too, but I liked it better than golf) and I played girls’ basketball, but, back then, only forwards could shoot, not guards, so I only enjoyed it when I was a forward, which wasn’t all the time so I got highly irritated. That doesn’t mean that I have a temper, though, so don’t think that. Since we’re doing “discovery” right now, I need to tell you that I have had some relatives (distant ones – not close family) who have done some serious time in the big house, but not for violent crimes – more like forgery and some robberies, but weapons weren’t used. And my grandfather did a year on a chain gang in 1918  for a stabbing incident (okay – that was violent – I forgot about that, but the guy he stabbed didn’t die so that was good news). Oh, and speaking of violence:  my great grandfather got shot off a horse and died – it was about 100 years ago - I heard it was over a land dispute, and I was told he was really mean, so maybe that’s why he was shot – I really don’t know. I’ve got two great kids and five wonderful grandchildren. I don’t smoke, but I did smoke a pipe when I was a hippie and had my own motorcycle. That was during my hot pants and go go boots days. So, tell me about yourself.”

I’m going to work on this until I get it right.