Jerry Ray and Me

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Added: Thu. Jan 05, 2012 10:42am
Posted in: Writing

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When Jerry Ray tole me to go fetch him a beer, I tole him to go fetch it hisself. He hollered out that I warn’t much of a wife, and I tole him to go pound sand. He said that, with my attitude, he guessed there warn’t ‘gonna be no sex that night, and I tole him he was rite about that. He shut up, rolled over, and soon started snorin.’ I went out on the front porch and smoked me a Lucky Strike, not that I was in the middle of one maself.

The next mornin,’  after our weddin night had passed, Jerry Ray said that marriage warn’t what it was cracked up to be. He also said he hadn’t never planned on marryin’ no woman with a smart mouth. I tole him ain’t nobody gets everthin’ they wish for. I then tole him that if he’d get his sorry a—out of bed and get us some eggs from the chicken coop out back, I’d fry him and me up a couple and throw in some buttered grits to boot. He said maybe I was gonna’ be a good wife after all. I tole him that as long as he did what I tole him to, we’d get alon just fine. He got them eggs rite fast-like.

Yesterday, we celbrated 50 years of wedded bliss. We had us 7 kids and now we got us 27 grandkids and that bunch has give us 8 more and they ain’t stopped havin’ youngans’ yet. 

A marriage can be gud if the man will just shut the hell up and do what he is tole to do and Jerry Ray and me is proof of that. Wedded bliss is what the two of us has got.

Just ask him – he’ll tell you how gud it’s been. If he don’t, I’ll put a knot on his old, bald head.