Telephone calls

Views: 697
Added: Wed. Nov 11, 2009 2:14am
Posted in: Writing

• » print
• » report
• » email

"Hallo, this is Jacoba speaking."

"Good evening, my name is Sofie, and I have a very special offer for you!"

"Why are you crying, dear?"

"Oh, nothing. My offer is as follows: You can read the Morning Gazette for four weeks, without any payment whatsoever! And no strings attached!"

"Are you alright? Do you have a hanky?"

"All used up. And after that period of time, if you are totally satisfied, we can make you another special offer! Are you interested?"

"My dear child, what on earth happened for you to be so sad?"

"Its this job! Nobody wants to read that stupid paper! I called thirty four people and not one of them wants to!"

"Oh, now that is sad. That is really really sad."

"I will never achieve getting my own income this way! Never!"

"No, that will be difficult, off course. If no one wants to read that thing!"

"I think I will jump out of the window. And I am five stories up, mind!"

"Don't do that, you silly girl! Okay then, I will take a free subscription for four weeks."

"Really? Are you serious?"

"Sure. After all, we are here on the planet to help each other, aren't we now."

"Let me put down your name."

"Jacoba Fine. Oh, and I want to unsubscribe right away."

"Unsubscribe?"

"Yes, so I won't have to face any extra costs. I already have a subscription on the Morning Gazette and my cat only uses one litter box. Love, why are you crying again? Honey? Don't go away! No Sofie, stay away from that window now you hear! Don't jump! Oh dear. I am putting the phone down now, honey. My goodness, what a bang! I wish you good luck, dear. Bye!"

"Hallo, this is Jacoba speaking!"

"Good evening, my name is John. I have a nice deal for you."

"Okay, so let me first give you the number of my banking account and my pin code."

"Is this a trick? Are you from the police? Pete, it's a set up! She is from the police! Lets get out of here! The building is probably surrounded, so lets jump through the window!"

"Police, oh dear me, no! I am an old lady living all by myself. With my cat Tom, that is. So write down: 416655578, thats the bank, you know, the nice bank around the corner, and my pin code is 5556. Now what is the deal you were revering to? Hallo, young man? Hung up! How very impolite!"

"Hallo, this is Jacoba Fine."

"Good evening ma'am, Do you care about the earth?"

"O yes! And about Mars, Venus, the moon, Pluto, Mercury, Saturn, Uranus... Funny name that planet has, I mean: your anus? Ha ha. Yes I care about all of them, I am a universally caring person you could say. I also care about my cat Tom. Do you like cats, dear?"

"Do you want to make a donation? To save the planet?"

"To save it from what, dear?"

"Destruction! The end! The apocalypse!"

"O that. Wasn't that supposed to happen last year?"

"Money! Please, donate some money, please?"

"Dear man, I have no money. But you are always welcome for some supper. Just give me a ring if you are in the neighborhood."

"You would feed me then?"

"No off course not. You would have to eat by yourself, you are a grown up person, aren't you?"

"Is this the mad house? Did I call the institution again? Yes, I must have. Oh well. Give me nurse Baker, will you. I want to ask her if she could take me back in again. This world is too aggressive for me!"

"Nurse Baker doesn't live her, sir. But you can say something to my kitty if you like? Say hallo kitty..."

"Hallo kitty... hallo kitty kitty..."

"Mew!"

"Oh my god... it talked back to me! I can speak with the animals!"

"No, that was me, to be honest. My cat hates strangers."

"Boohoo..."

"O dear, another one. Are you close to any windows dear?"

"Yes and I am six stories high! Why?"

"Don't jump."

"I will! I will jump!"

"You won't like the landing!"

"Bye, cruel world!"

"Yes, he jumped. That makes three. Not bad, for a weekday, isn't it Tom?"