The Claw

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Added: Fri. Mar 20, 2009 1:06pm
Posted in: Aging

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Until this very morning, SalGal’s right hand resembled the Komodo Dragon’s mangled, bent, misshapen claw.  Her ring finger and pinkie on the right hand were permanently bent at the middle knuckle in a way that made you think she was striking a ‘pose’ as if she were trying out for a hand lotion commercial at Jurassic Park.  Would that her 58-year-old hands were ever considered for such a thing... or mine for that matter.  We’ve both got knuckles that grew taller than our fingers, and the extra age-spotted skin on our hands is a conversation stopper when reaching for an hors-d'oeuvre, no doubt.

A very nice-looking, young-man-doctor operated on her today and voila, it’s fixed!  She got LOTS of amazing drugs with a take-home party favor of Vicodin.  Of course, if we don’t immediately pour laxatives down her throat, she won’t be relieving herself three-dimensionally (ifyouknowwhatImean) for about a week.  That’s what hydrocodone does to you.  It’s a trade off. Sal and I both laughed until we cried while thinking of how hard it’s going to be for her to wipe her little bottom with her left hand anyway!  Ever tried that you right handers?

This is my opportunity to play Florence Nightingale!  Only problem is that now I’ve got two invalids...Sal AND the Ancient One.  SalGal usually handles the care and feeding of The Ancient One while I cover the logistical matters for the family, and now that Sal’s out of commission, this (and several other chores) fall to moi.  The splint on Sal’s hand doesn’t come off for another week.  I’m doing fine today, just so you know.  Part of this caregiving really feeds my control addiction...like my hand is in a death grip on the control panel, but that’s nothing new...besides, if they don’t like the way I’m handling things, what are they going to do...run away?

Let me just say that by the end of this week, they’ll both be begging for me to STOP, WALK AWAY and let Sally resume her duties.  They’ll be so tired of Stauffer’s Chicken Pot Pies, wieners in Hormel chili and cinnamon toast that I’ll be off the cooking hook anyway.  Here’s the disturbing thing about all of this...I’m so glad I never had children.  There, I said it.  The Ancient One has nary a maternal gene herself...and whatever lame skills she did pass on to us went right over our heads like prom dresses.  I’ll be glad when Sal is well enough to go out with me for martinis!  Sal will be back poking out her next essay with her two index fingers before the splint comes off...Hehehe!

With much love intended,
KK
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Hand operation

Yesterday I had an operatilon ojj my rigjt hand   Nlo problema.  .I wentt o sleep and git ghood drugs.  Viacadin today- good dtuff

KK is a peiceof shitmy hand didn’t look thatmbad

SalGal