Are you lost in a Sea of Stress? 8 common types of loss & how to cope

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Added: Sat. Mar 07, 2009 11:39pm
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Lost in a Sea of Stress-

Surviving 8 Common types of loss to feel strong again

 

By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach

 

“Lost at sea”. Words you often hear in a coastal state like Florida, but words you never want to hear because it means another sad ending to what should have just been a fun day enjoying the ocean. Sometimes there are heroic rescues at sea when the US Coast Guard can find those who have become stranded at sea, but sometimes they call off the search and scared family members know that they may never see those loved ones again.

 

Maybe you feel like that right now; just drifting and lost in a sea of stress.  Perhaps it is financial loss, maybe job stress, or marriage and family conflicts that come at you like a tsunami of stress. Whatever the stress I want you to know that it won’t get better by itself. In fact stress tends to get worse until there is a crisis that forces you to seek help to just come and rescue you from all the pressure. If you feel this way you are not alone.  A Harris research survey found that 1 in 5 people feel overloaded with stress every single day!

 

Little waves of Stress build up from lots of loss

Major stress often starts out small, like gentle waves at the beach, which is why we don’t think about it much until it’s an out of control flood of problems. When life comes at you like a powerful wind, those gentle little waves of stress become huge and cause you to sink. If these daily life problems came at you one at a time you could handle it, but when they are bunched together in clusters and seem to be coming at you from a dozen different directions at once it feels like more than anyone could handle… that’s when you know you are on stress overload and possibly drowning in a sea of stress.

 

Face it, daily stress affects every area of our lives and to some degree affects everybody, but not always in the same way. According to the Harris Poll cited earlier, 75% of people said they felt some to lots of stress, while 23% experienced lots of stress every day. Their research covered the 14 most common daily pressures that are believed to cause stress overload, like finances to being worried about health to feeling disconnected and lonely in relationships. And the stress from sudden and unexpected loss, (like losing a job or house or being diagnosed with a major illness), is the biggest pressure of all and it affects our ability to cope at every level. In fact, Dr. Cary Cooper, a professor at Lancaster University in Great Britain, described it this way, “Stress as a health issue is probably the Black Plague of the 21st century.”

 

Stress in one area can affect all areas of life

Unresolved stress can lead to burnout because the pressures and problems that can build up in one area of life tend to spill over into all other areas of life. Which means that not dealing with stress and pressure in one area of life will eventually have a negative impact on the other areas of life like energy level, relationships, health, sleep, career, money, schedules, daily life or even harm our emotional and sense of spiritual well-being.

 

Stress compounds the amount of internal psychological pressure that we have to deal with, whether we like it our not. That’s why we tend to avoid it, which only makes it worse because unresolved daily life stress can lead to an explosive level of panic and tension or if we choose to deal with it, these same pressures can be quickly solved to bring you to a position of greater peace and strength inside.

 

Before we look at the most common types of stress, let’s examine the most common type of loss that make any stress or pressure harder to manage.

 

8 Most Common Types of Stressful Loss

                       

1) Duty-  Loss of job or role from corporate down-sizing or empty nest syndrome

 

2) Debt- Financial insecurity or fears, feelings of failure over financial instability  

 

3) Discipline- Loss of self control in body-care, addictive or secret life issues, includes angry rage & impulse control issues                       

 

4) Dreams- to give up on hopes, plans, goals and the desire for more in life

 

5) Drive- Loss of motivation and drive from apathetic feelings of ‘Who cares’                                                            

6) Divorce-    loss of marriage, family and other relationships

 

7) Descendants- of children or grandchildren from broken families, which includes distant, broken or dysfunctional relationships

 

8) Death- to lose those close to you from disease, accidents, violence or age

 

Which type of loss are you facing today? And more importantly, what are you doing to manage those losses, so that they don’t overwhelm you like a massive stressful wave that hits when you least expect it? Remember, any form of loss creates a cumulative form of stress and pressure. If enough losses build up, you will feel overloaded, and eventually feel ‘lost at sea’ with no hope of rescue. Stress researcher, David Posen, MD, describes the problem this way, “The problem causing stress is the rate of change in the modern world. You almost have no time to adjust to one change before the next one comes along.” Think of it as a process that looks like this flow chart:

 

Life causes Change

Change is Stressful

Stress creates Loss

Loss leads to Grief or Growth

 

We grow the strongest as we tackle issues to move forward through the stress and pressure to face our fears and go to an even deeper level of insight and maturity. So, if your goal in life is to try and do everything possible to avoid stress and pressure then in some ways your goal is short-sighted, because it is going to leave you weaker and more immature than others who face the stress with God’s help to grow stronger and become more of the person they were designed to be.  Stress and pressure are a part of life for everyone. Facing it straight up to grow stronger is a choice, and it’s a choice that you and I can make every time a wave of stress comes our way. 

 

Stress comes from feeling out of control

Here’s a foundational insight about moving beyond the normal changes of life to overcome stress and avoid burnout- you have more control than you think. You really do have a great deal more power to change than you could ever imagine.  The Bible teaches a timeless principal about managing stress when it says, to “Count it all joy when trials and challenges come along,” (James 1:2). This is because the trials and challenges force us to deal with our character issues by growing and changing. A great deal of the pressures and problems in our lives is based on our perspective about those issues. Do you see those pressures and problems as something terrible that will only break you down and leave you weaker or as a positive pressure that will blast away insecurities and fears to push you toward reaching your potential?

 

Stress affects everyone from the cradle to the grave, which is good news for some and not so good news for others. The not so good news is only that there isn’t a place on this planet where you won’t have to deal with stress because it will never go away…it’s just part of life. If you see this as bad news, please balance it with the very good news that it’s a perfectly normal part of growing through every stage of life. Yes, I said perfectly normal because everyone has to deal with stress if they want to grow strong.  It just feels overwhelming when there is too much in too short a period of time, and with the rapid pace of life these days, we are all prone to carry too much stress inside.

 

Stress warning symptoms

How can you tell if you are on stress ‘overload’ instead of just having a bad day? Take a minute to check off any of the following stress symptoms you have felt on a regular basis over the last month or so. The more symptoms you are experiencing in your physical, behavioral, emotional, relational or spiritual life, the greater the likelihood that you are being overwhelmed with stress leading to burnout or exhaustion, instead of growing stronger on the other side of stress. (Remember, some of these symptoms may indicate serious health problems and should be checked out by your medical doctor or by a qualified healthcare professional).

 

PHYSICAL or BEHAVIORAL STRESS SYMPTOMS

__ Loss of Energy                             __ Sleep loss or Insomnia                          

__ Fatigue                                         __ Listless or in a mental ‘fog’        

__ Dry Mouth                         __ Ulcers

__ Headaches                                   __ Migraines                                                

__ Smoking                                       __ Rapid/shallow breathing

__ No Appetite                                  __ Alcohol or drug abuse to cope                          

__ Caffeine dependence                 __ Inability to rest                                         

__ Over-eating                                  __ High blood pressure                   

__ Hyper-tension                               __ I.B.S./Colitis

__ “Nervous energy”             __ Tightness in chest or heart palpitations

__ Chronically sick                            __ Accelerated heart rate               

__ Decreased libido                         __ Chronic joint pain

__ No time to relax                            __ Unkempt physical appearance             

__ Chronic back pain                       __ Nightmares or night terrors                    

__ Restlessness                               __ Cries easily or can’t cry at all                

__ Increased health worries __ Muscle tension (neck/shoulders/jaw)    

__ Skin disorders                             __ Fainting or feeling like you will faint                  

__ Abdominal pain                           __ Sweating or really cold hands/feet

__ Nausea or diarrhea                     __ Increased cold or flu symptoms            

 

EMOTIONAL or RELATIONAL STRESS SYMPTOMS

__ Difficulty concentrating                __ Uneasiness or nervousness                  

__ Defensive                                     __ Easily angered                            

__ Withdrawal from others               __ Criticism or Sarcasm

__ Holding problems inside __ TV addiction-Soaps, Sports, Sitcoms 

__ Self-consciousness                     __ Anxiety or panic

__ Apathy                                           __ Avoidance of emotions (esp. fear)                   

__ Financial worries                         __ Living in the past or future                      

__ Short temper                                __ “Clinging” or dependent behavior         

__ No sense of humor                      __ Not sharing burdens with others           

__ Feeling hopeless                         __ Over-committed or life is out of balance

__ Feeling helpless                          __ Life seems out of control           

__ Trouble making decisions          __ Feelings of failure

__ Forgetfulness                               __ “Type A” driven personality                    

__ Impatience                                    __ Elevated shame or guilt             

__ Unresolved loss or grief              __ State of alarm 

__ Tension                                         __ Depression or overwhelming sadness

__ Irritability                                       __ Apprehension or confusion       

__ Overwhelmed                               __ Impulsive Decisions       

__ Perfectionism                               __ Diminished productivity

__ Restlessness                               __ Easily distracted

 

SPIRITUAL STRESS SYMPTOMS

__ Avoiding spiritual needs                         __ Loss of faith                     

__ No time to pray                                        __ Increased doubts            

__ Inner turmoil                                              __ Spiritual aloneness

__ No peace or contentment                       __ Spiritual emptiness        

__ No day of rest                                           __ Tremendous anger at God        

__ Unresolved past guilt                               __ Lack of inner peace

__ God seems a “million miles away”        __ Believing that everyone is a hypocrite

 

 

The more warning indicators that are identified in a single category or across multiple categories, the more that person may be in a stress ‘overload’ situation. However, if only a few of these stress-related symptoms are present, then don’t worry about it. Life stress is common, so if only one or two symptoms are present, it is not usually a cause for alarm, but it is a sign that you are alive!

 

Moving from Stress to Strength

Once you have identified the primary factors that are fueling your stress, then it’s time to take positive action to change. Some situations are so complex that you can’t work out of it by yourself, but you can take action to move in the right direction. Do this by talking openly about what’s causing your pressure with others. Even if you feel like you can’t talk to anyone about your problems, you can pray about it, or write down your thoughts in a journal. Remember, no one can solve all their problems alone so don’t be afraid to reach out to the people around you who can help, like pastors, doctors, counselors or call a hotline, (you can call the number 211 in many cities to be connected to social service agencies that are available to help with many daily life stressors). You can always do something positive to face the stress and pressure in your life, but you have to decide to take action now before the pressure increases and things get worse.

 

Here are a number of proactive steps you can take every day to build your personal energy level with the use of stress coping strategies. The more positive actions you take, the faster you will move from stress to strength as you implement the skills necessary to make your life work better.

 

PHYSICAL & BEHAVIORAL STRESS COPING SKILLS

__ Sleep (7-9 hours)                         __ Balanced diet                              

__ Regular meals                                          __ Deep breathing                           

__ Regular exercise                                     __ Tense/relax muscles

__ Hugs/affection                                          __ Regular daily routines                

__ Massage                                                  __ Plenty of water                                        

__ Medical checkups or physicals __ Medication (prescribed by your MD)

__ Quiet times of rest or naps                     __ Get out into the sunshine           

__ Brisk walking                                            __ Organize time and schedule                 

__ Learn to use a planner                            __ Regular bedtime

__ Allow extra time to do things                  __ Simplify your lifestyle

__ Get rid of clutter                                       __ Delegate or delete low priority events

__ Learn to organize tasks                          __ Leave earlier to avoid traffic jams

 

EMOTIONAL & RELATIONAL STRESS COPING SKILLS

__ Personal planning time                           __ Positive relationships                 

__ Build positive esteem                             __ Share your burdens                    

__ Support groups                                        __ Counseling

__ Deal directly with problems                    __ Talk openly about anger

__ Honestly face fears                                  __ Laugh and have fun                    

__ Relax with family/friends             __ Reading

__ Learn to say “No”                                     __ Short term goals                         

__ Hobbies/activities                                    __ Take on new challenges

__ Learn something new                              __ Leave work at work

__ Do good for others                                  __ Victory list of achievements

__ Pace yourself                                           __ Control spending with a budget

__ Journaling                                     __ Manage your moods

 

SPIRITUAL STRESS COPING SKILLS

__ Bible Study                                               __ Apply biblical principles to life

__ Prayer                                                       __ Church socials or recreational events

__ Meditation                                                __ Regular worship in a house of faith

__ Inspirational music                                   __ Join a supportive church group 

__ Memorize scripture                                 __ Observe a day of rest    

__ Spiritual landmarks                                 __ Keep priorities balanced

__ Inspirational books                                  __ Realize God loves you

__ “Re-create” Spiritual energy                   __ Listen to inspirational messages

__ Express more gratitude                          __ Experience quiet times with God

__ Spiritual concert events                          __ Spiritual workshops or classes

__ Forgive to really live                                __ Practice acts of random kindness

 

Here’s another way to look at it. Many people stay stuck in the sea of stress and never feel in control of their life. They are like the left side of this list of common stress reactions. Others make the choice to ask for help and take bold action to make positive chances, and they are like the list on the right. As you read through them, identify which side describes you.

 

Stressful Loss creates one of two emotional reactions

Bitter or Better ?

Critical or Creative ?

Procrastinate or Purposeful ?

Resentful or Resourceful?

Run-away or Resolve ?

Give up or Grow up?