Satisfaction Survey

Views: 1,047
Added: Sat. Apr 18, 2009 12:33pm
Posted in: Mental Health

• » print
• » report
• » email

I have been ruminating about life and all her wonders, disappointments, fears, successes, failures, memories, happiness...oh and men.  So, I have come up with some life questions for your own rumination (that word sounds like a debilitating disease, doesn’t it?). My answer options will differ from most which don’t give you squat in the way of explanation...here goes:

(here are your options...I-incredible, PDG-pretty damn good, FTM-fair to middling, PS-pretty shitty and AS-absolutely sucks).

 My outlook for the day           I

 How was my regularity this morning?            PDG

 The weather outside            PS

 Length of time since my last intimate interaction with a male            AS

Feelings about Texas seceding from the Union            FTM

Condition of litter box this morning            PS

 Hope that HBO will find The Midlife Gals for our own sitcom            I

   Feelings about threatening automated telephone sales calls            AS

 Duration of last hot flash            PDG

   Hope for my next interaction with attractive, middle-aged male        I

As you can see, these surveys can be quite subjective and geared toward your own life.  My satisfaction is guaranteed because I have control issues, so I can pick and choose the outcomes I want...within the boundaries of what the Universe has decided is my life script.  It’s a comedy for sure, and with SalGal as my cohort, my partner in crime and my rock, I’d say, SFSF-so far so FABULOUS!

What is your survey?

KK

*****************************************************************

We, The Midlife Gals, are doing a satisfaction survey to discern how many of you are enjoying your life or just faking it.  Please answer all the questions honestly and with as much comment as you wish at the end of the survey.

Three Questions:

1.  You are driving on a busy avenue at rush hour and the girl in the car in front of you has just missed a green left-turn arrow and caused you to miss the light as well.  Not only is she talking on her cell phone, she is also putting her mascara on in her rear view mirror while holding a street map over her steering wheel.

a. You rear-end her car while yelling out your window, ‘YOU STUPID BITCH I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!’

b.  You  honk and throw her the finger.

c. You calmly pull out your knitting and continue making that orange ‘Hook’em’ Horns’ sweater for your great aunt Pearl.

d.  You do what Jesus would do.

2.  You are enjoying a beautiful day at the public pool when you see a five-year-old boy blatantly peeing into the pool.  He looks like a fountain in your next-door neighbor’s yard as his mother sips her Bud and flaunts her perfect body not three feet away.

a.  You push the kid into the deep end and hold his head under water until he says he’s sorry and begs for his life.

b.  You tell the mother to keep control of her kid or you’ll throw your ice tea in her pool bag.

c.  You tell the kid he’s not very polite and show him the men’s bathroom.

d.  You close your eyes and tell your sister not to swim where that little kid was standing by the pool.

3.  You are at a movie you’ve been waiting to see for two months and the bald guy three seats ahead of you has answered his cell phone in the middle of the movie’s climax.  Even as he shouts, ‘What do you mean she’s dead?!!.’

a.  You jump those three seats and put him in a choke hold as you try to stuff the cell phone in his mouth.

b.  You yell at him to shut the fuck up and throw your two-pound coke at him.

c.  c.  You whisper-shout, ‘SHHHHHHHHH!’ at him while shaking your head like he is an idiot.

d. d.  You leave and tell the manager that your experience has been ruined and you need a certificate for five free movies.

Give yourself 1 point for all ‘a.’ answers, 2 for ‘b.’ answers, 3 for ‘c.’ answers and 4 for ‘d.’ answers.

Now add up your score.

If your score is 9 to12, you are either a Jesus Freak or a bliss-ninny and good for you Mister Nice Guy.

If your score was 6 to 9 points you are probably normal but have no kids.

If your score was 3 to 6 points you are somewhat scary and have a tendency to get in bar fights with pool cues.

If your score was 1 to 3 points you had better practice being nice to waiters and then come sit by me.

SalGal