Two Voices Separated By 1 Generation

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Added: Wed. Mar 04, 2009 12:53pm
Posted in: Women

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BFF's No More- When a guy walks into a room, he doesn't think much about it. When a girl walks into a room, she knows every other female eye will be on her immediately judging. Girls always pit themselves against other girls, no matter if they be friend or foe. Girls these days are mean and bitter, and it's not something that happens overnight in high school, it starts as young as preschool. Just as quickly as they become friends, they turn on one another. Girls have made a game of making each other feel small. Gossip used to be spread by simply word of mouth, but then the internet came along and gave the game a whole new set of rules. A few years ago, the group of teens created MySpace pages that were specifically designed to bash a single individual. These kids were so proud of what they had done, they even went so far as to appear on day time talk shows to brag about their efforts to destroy the reputations of fellow students. Due to a new sense of entitlement of this generation, girls think that they can say or do whatever they want. I have seen girls get their gym clothes stolen, I have seen photo shopped pictures plastered on high school walls, and I have even seen private emails copied and pasted into public online forums. There is no shame in embarrassing another girl, as long as the perpetrator feels better about herself. Ultimately, these girls are breaking the spirits of others because their self esteem is very low. Girls have learned to put on a good show, but most young women are hurting inside. They feel worthless and think to themselves, "Well, at least I'm not her." Instead of praising one another, girls are hurtful and I see fewer and fewer close female friendships. I still have the same two best friends I had since 9th grade. We have always been honest with each other and taken great care with each girl's feelings. But today, instead of building one another up, girls cut each other down to fill their own self esteem void. But who's stopping them?? Parents are nurturing the "me first" attitude. Whatever happened to "give and you shall receive"? Moms and dads need to encourage unselfish acts. My mother taught me to write letters to other kids, for no other reason than to tell them that I thought they were swell. And I did, and I still have those friends to this day. We need to be teaching this new generation to love themselves and to love one another. Because if we can't do that, then all the advice I can give these mean girls is: Watch out, Karma's a ... not so nice lady.

-Elizabeth Whittemore

 

STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT WORDS WILL NEVER HURT ME.  YEA RIGHT!!

 

My heart broke when one of my young teens told me there is a page on MySpace devoted to hating her.  I must have reflected this private thought on my face as she said "oh, don't worry it doesn't bother me".  I responded "why doesn't it bother you?”  "It’s just a group of mean girls who are jealous".  And she is absolutely right.  My client has long blond hair, beautiful blue eyes, a flawless complexion, a trim and slim body, and smart.  If I were in high school with her I would have been jealous too but she would have been an object of motivation not an object of hate for me.  The female Boomer generation had role models who were envied and targeted for emulation.  But our Boomer daughters and granddaughters have role models who are envied and targeted for destruction.  My Jr. High School (it wasn't called Middle School in the early '60's) role model was Joan Bassett.  Joan Bassett had every boy wanting to date her and every girl wanting to be her. Every morning she came to class with every hair in place, long nails perfectly polished, clothes pressed and sophisticated, and always the crushed leather Capizio clutch bag matching her Capizio leather flats.  None of us came close to being like her-especially fat me.  When Joan became a Jr.Orange Bowl princess she decided to loose a little weight and she became my inspiration.  Every day I brought my hard boiled eggs with celery and carrot sticks just like Joan Bassett did. She never knew how much I admired her. She also never knew she was the only classmate I had who never made fun of me. This young role model was a very positive force.  I know you are aware this behavior is rare today and how incredibly hurtful and dangerous this new mean girl behavior is to the young girl at the center of their attacks.

But perhaps you don't know exactly what a "mean girl" is so let me define it for you.

 

The term "mean girl" became part of our lexicon from the movie written by Tina Fey titled "Mean Girls".  Tina knew first hand the characteristics which include:

 

.Gossip and spreading rumors

.Verbal put downs of others

.Bullying

.Backstabbing

.Using others to get ahead

.Excluding people from events

.Stealing boyfriends

 

To achieve these heinous goals mean girls will use:

.Text messaging

.AIM

.Email

.Three-way-calling

.Facebook

.MySpace

These technologies, where everyone can see everything anyone wants to say, become the weapons of destruction at the disposal of mean girls.

 

If you know a young girl who is being attacked by a pack of mean girls report the abuse to their school counselor immediately.  He or she should know the proper way to handle this.  Don't think for a minute this is normal teen behavior or they will outgrow it.  It is not normal it is abhorrent. And they don't outgrow it they carry this mean behavior into their adult lives. The victim needs counseling but so do the mean girls.  These girls are abusive for a reason and they need help to figure out why they act as they do than have support and encouragement to change their behavior.  I have had a great deal of satisfaction helping a mean girl become a caring, kind girl.

 

Elizabeth and I would love to hear your stories. Comments are most welcome.

Deedra Hunter is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Narrative Life Coach in Winter Park, FL. She has over 20 years of experience serving her clients needs and has also published a book called; Winning Custody: A Woman’s Guide to Retaining Custody of Her Children.