Is Etiquette Dead?

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Added: Sun. Jan 06, 2008 8:15pm
Posted in: Living

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On this week's Growing Bolder Radio Show, Marc and Bill interviewed the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette queen Emily Post. Anna Post is pretty hip and has a great new book about wedding etiquette. She's about 18 months too late for my own nuptials (although I am thinking of anonymously sending it to my cousin who wore white to my wedding, but I digress), but it's still packed with lots of great tips for the happy couple, the families and anyone who will ever attend another wedding.

To listen to the conversation with Anna, click here.

Anna talked to the boys about a lot more than just weddings. It got me thinking: where have all the manners gone? Now, I'm not by any means suggesting we return to those antiquated rules of the past. You know, the annoying ones like holding your finger out to the side while drinking tea or referring to your spouse as Mr. Smith or Mrs. Smith in public or always deferring to men (I think I would've been a terrible turn-of-the-century "lady").

No, I'm talking good, old-fashioned politeness. I've never been one to expect men to open my car door or to hold every door open for me, but that was before I was 8 months pregnant. Anyone who's ever been this pregnant will know exactly what I'm talking about.

Yes, that's my belly on the right. No, I'm not sitting properly. But it felt good at the time!

Let me give you a couple of examples. Last weekend, my husband and I went to a museum. We walked slowly but I was looking for a place to rest my feet every step of the way. One of the exhibits was a guided tour of exact replicas of rooms from the Titanic, complete with original, salvaged pieces from the ill-fated ship. You'd think with those days of grace and chivalry in mind (you know, women and children first) would have everyone feeling a bit more proper. Ha!

Try telling that to the able-bodied and definitely not pregnant adult s who snapped up the few chairs in each room for the tour guide's 10 to 15 minute talks. Not once did someone offer me a chair. Talk about missing the boat. Even my evil eyes did nothing to shame them into giving up the seats. I'll try to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they had some affliction (laziness?) but I find it hard to be gracious as I'm teetering about.

So, the next day, I said to my husband -- OK, no more walking. How about the movies? So, off we went to the Sunday afternoon matinee of "Charlie Wilson's War" (great flick. I highly recommend it!). Since it was a matinee, the theater was largely empty. So, again, my fellow mothers out there can back me up on this one -- my feet are swollen. Very swollen. Think Frodo Baggins in "Lord of the Rings." So getting them elevated not only helps relieve the swelling, it's doctor's orders. So, I hoisted my feet up onto the seat in front of me (something I promise that I rarely do with my non-swollen feet) and again, let me repeat: THE THEATER WAS MOSTLY EMPTY.

Well that did not stop four people coming in just before the previews and choosing the four seats DIRECTLY in front of me and glaring at me until I took my feet down (not an easy task when a good day of mobility means my husband doesn't have to help me get my pants on in the morning). And have I mentioned that I'm very pregnant? The two women in the group I would have thought would have recognized that. But alas, they were only concerned with sitting as close to other people as possible. That's the only thing I can figure since again, THE THEATER WAS EMPTY!

I'm hoping that these two events were isolated incidents. There have been some very kind people out there -- the movie theater that refunded my tickets without me asking because my back pain caused me to leave 30 minutes into the movie (Thanks Enzian!) and the well wishers at the grocery store, dry cleaners, etc.

But I am still hoping that people who mean very well will quit telling me that "you look like you're ready to pop" or "Man, you're big" or, my favorite yet, "you sure there's not two in there?" Now, is that polite???

I'll just continue to nod politely and thank them for being concerned about me. And maybe I'll suggest they check out Anna Post's books!