House on Fire
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Added: Sat. Aug 01, 2009 9:36pm
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Last night I had the most lucid dream that I felt I had to blog about it. Everything was so clear. It began in an old-fashioned bedroom...four poster bed, handmade quilt, paned windows. Not my bedroom, and not any bedroom I've ever been in. I was just turning in to sleep, and I was exhausted after writing all day (doesn't take Freud to figure that one out, it's pretty literal). So I climbed into bed, snuggled down into the covers, and started to doze (in the dream). Before I could drift off to sleep, I heard a noise in the wall, spitting and popping. In my half awake state, I first thought it was a water leak, but after a few minutes, I realized it was fire. There was a fire in the wall behind my bed, and the flames were beginning to break through.
I yelled at my brother to call 911. This is significant, I think. My brother is dyslexic and while I trust him, I don't know if he could get the numbers right under pressure. I think the reason he was there was to punctuate that I feel like I am shouldering the burden of financial responsibility alone (My husband earns the bulk of our income, but I have to make ends meet and with the rising cost of everything, adult unemployed children and my shrinking job, I have to juggle harder every day).
Another thing I think is significant is what I grabbed. The family albums, my laptop computer (evidently when I move to this farmhouse-style mansion, I'll have a laptop)...and a stack of bills and papers. With flames crackling all around me, I risked my life to grab the bills.
We ran out a good distance to stand under a tree, my brother and I. I asked if he'd called 911 and he said he had, but we were way out in the country and the fire department wasn't going to make it in time. I opened the laptop and tried in vain to connect, to get a message out before the fire destroyed my network, but it was already too late.
The tree we stood under is one I loved as a child, an ancient spreading oak that still stands in front of my grandparent's historic farmhouse, currently occupied by my uncle and aunt. The house was not my grandparent's, but it did share some similarities. It was bigger, three stories, with a wraparound porch and plants hanging from the eaves. It had lots of windows and richly gleaming wood floors to reflect the golden light of the fire. In the waning sunlight, it was clean, neat and well-kept. When I got my mansion and my laptop, I must have hired a maid. It seemed to be early fall. The trees were still green, but just beginning to show touches of gold and red. (I dream in full color) In the distance, I could see rolling hills. Nice country.
As the fire rose to surround the house my thoughts were curiously unafraid...in fact, almost detatched. Part of my brain processed the fact that help would not arrive, another part contemplated the loss of my home, my security and everything I own. But the thing that mattered most was that my brother was safe. He had been on the porch when I called out, building something with wood. Even in my sleep, I put him out of harm's way. Together, we watched the house burn to ash, silhouetted against the setting sun. I should have been sad, emotional, maybe even terrified, but I woke peacefully, wondering whether he'd actually reached 911, and feeling that it wouldn't have mattered. There's only one person who can keep my house from burning down. me.
sherisaid
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Posted 1:02 pm August 10th, 2009Jackie, when I was pregnant, I had some very real - and very strange dreams
Jackie Carlin
GB Staff
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Posted 10:33 am August 10th, 2009That's so interesting! It's funny, just before I read this blog I was telling Katy about my own very vivid dream from last night. But mine involved bugs -- computer bugs and for good measure, a swarm of real life pests! Hmmm, wonder what I'm thinking about too much!
But I too sometimes have amazing recall with some of my dreams. I still can recall a couple of very disturbing dreams from pregnancy that always involved me searching desperately for a crying baby. Don't need Freud for that one either, but other dreams' meanings elude me. I sometimes wish I knew someone that interpreted dreams and could tell me what my wacky subconscious is trying to tell me!
sherisaid
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Posted 10:30 am August 2nd, 2009thanks
Vannie
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Posted 9:14 am August 2nd, 2009Wow. sherisaid, you have amazing recall. Your dream must have been a frightening one, but I am glad that you saw the 'light at the end of the tunnel.'
It is interesting that you say, "... tried in vain to connect, to get a message out before the fire destroyed my network, but it was already too late." And later, "...wondering whether he'd actually reached 911, and feeling that it wouldn't have mattered. There's only one person who can keep my house from burning down. me."
You are obviously an insightful and observant person. My sense is that you will take care of your "house" quite well.
Vannie