What would you do if you were president?

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Added: Wed Jul 30th 2:46pm
Posted in: Politics

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Pat Paciello
Initially, I would be gratified and humbled that the American people would elect me to the highest office in the land. Especially, since the only other position that I was elected to was assistant blackboard monitor in the fourth grade. Once I was sworn in, I would announce that I would not be running for a second term. This would serve two purposes. I could spend four full years executing my vision and not spend time planning and worrying about my re-election. Also, since I would not be running again, I would be immune to the special interest groups, my poll numbers, and the other minutia that would detract me from doing my job. I would adopt a radical new platform for my presidency. I would call it Government By the People for the People. My presidency would focus on three major points: * Require politicians to give honest answers to legitimate questions that are posed to them. Vague, rambling speeches that pander to the public but have no basis in fact will not be tolerated by either party in my administration. We can solve this problem with technology. All elected officials will be required to wear belts implanted with an electrical device which will emit a shock when it is obvious that the people are being deceived. Eventually, the politicians will get the message. *I would deport all attorneys, people that blame America for every problem in the universe, and every celebrity that has been in rehab at least twice, but feels they are experts in running the country. This policy would have many beneficial benefits for the population. We would end all the frivolous lawsuits that suffocate our legal system, and people will buy lottery tickets instead of suing to make their fortune. With the, I Hate America crowd gone, the news will be presented in a more positive light and might even become watchable. Since there would be no celebrities left, we could get our kids to pay more attention to real role models, who would be people of substance. *Lastly, I would implement my program called, If you can't beat um ' Join um'. I would radically shift the countries work force during my four years. I would eliminate the private sector completely. You could only work for the Federal, State or local government. If you are real lucky you could become a member of the teachers or police union. Many states are going broke because of the bloated pension funds, which include lifetime health benefits, cost of living increases, and in some cases double-dipping pensions that invite corruption. Since this huge voting block helps to elect our officials, this process is not about to change. However, by following my plan, look at what we can accomplish. We now no longer have a health care crisis. Everyone will have good benefits for life. Who needs Social Security - that will be pocket change to most people. The retirement crisis will be a thing of the past. Everyone will have a solid lifetime pension. If your state has missed the boat and has not padded their government retirement plan, don't despair, you can contact representatives from New York and New Jersey and several other states to bring your program up to speed. Remember in four years I'm outta here. So let's get started!

About Pat Paciello
Pat Paciello is fifty-eight years old, has three grown children, and has been happily married for the past thirty-four years. (The first year wasn't so hot.) He has been retired from the workforce for almost eight years. During that time span Pat has been particularly adept at enjoying leisure pursuits, and earning the highest recommendation from his peers for his "I do nothing, but I do it well attitude." His book, Has Anyone Seen My Reading Glasses? offers a unique and fresh approach to the subject of Baby Boomer retirement. First, it's written by a Baby Boomer who is actually retired. Second, the book is long on humor and personal anecdotes, and short on statistical analysis.