Two Voices Separated by 1 Generation

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Added: Fri. Mar 20, 2009 4:32pm
Posted in: Caregivers

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SUGAR COOKIES AND LAVENDER SWEET PEAS

  

I came home as a newborn cradled in her loving arms.  As a preschooler I sat for hours in her lap listening to made up stories about mice who could sing, dance, and talk to each other in the woods.  She made me sugar cookies, fruit cobblers, and chicken noodle soup.  She hemmed my dresses, made me a special pillow case, and curled my hair with clean white cotton rags.  As I grew older she shared my secrets, listened to my fears, and tried to explain why life seemed so hard.  She bought my first pair of stockings, my first Parker cartridge pen with peacock blue ink, and my first jar of Mum's deodorant.  She taught me to love pastel colored sweet peas and primary colored zinnias.  She was the most loving woman in my life. She was my Grandmother.

 

I believe people of past generations knew their grandparents better than current generations.  Perhaps one reason could be that our once agrarian society promoted close extended families.  But with industrialization came mobilization and families no longer lived in close proximity to each other.  How many young people actually have the privilege of walking to grandma's house?  I don't know of any. There are approximately 80 million grandparents in the United States today.  However, only 8 percent are providing day care on a regular basis and 12 percent have little contact with a grandchild, seeing or talking on the phone with them every few months or less. This is sad because grandparents can offer so much to a child.  I was blessed to have had my Grandmother play such an important part in my life.  I hope when my time comes to be a grandmother I will have the privilege to be a large part of those little ones lives.

 

 

Deedra Hunter is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Narrative Life Coach in Winter Park, FL. She has over 30 years of experience serving her clients needs and has also published a book called; Winning Custody: A Woman’s Guide to Retaining Custody of Her Children.

 

 

 

 

 

Over The River, And Through the Woods-

 

When I was little I spent more time with my grandparents than I did in my own home. This is what my mother recalled just yesterday. While she was out working and trying to provide for my brother and me we were watching Shirley Temple videos with Grammie and Papa. Everyday we ate silver dollar pancakes for breakfast and chicken cutlets for lunch. We sat in the door frame between the kitchen and the living room so as not to get anything on the floors. I learned how to draw and I learned how to sing. We played in the yard and dove into mounds of old stuffed animals in the basement that had been left behind by my aunt and uncles. We used to visit Elizabeth Park with picnic baskets and go swimming and walk through the rose gardens. Papa used to let me sit on the "hump" in the back seat of his Lincoln Town car. We never knew it was just the arm rest and while he drove he would sing "Would you like to swing on a star, carry moonbeams home in a jar?" I was blissfully unaware that he was driving too slow and that someday he wouldn't be around to take me places or sing me songs.

 

When I was in 8th grade my grandfather passed away. I was more upset that I was unable to go on my class trip and that I was being forced to go to the funeral. I didn't understand or maybe I wasn't able to process my feelings at the time. When I was a junior in high school I was on a retreat with friends and something, I wish I knew what, triggered tears and the loss of what I'd had came pouring out of me. I missed my grandfather. By this time my grandmother had moved to California. I saw her a few times a year, and the frequency has faded as the years have gone by. Do I wish I had the same relationship I had with her as a child? Absolutely.

 

After talking to a wide range of people under 30 I have come to discover that this separation of contact between grandparents and grandchildren is not generational at all but situational. I have a huge number of friends whose grandparents live/lived with them and live within walking distance. I was very surprised. Although we are not using grandparents as much for childcare they are still a big part of our lives. Whether it be directly or indirectly grandparents are some of the most important people we'll ever know. Make sure that when your kids get older and are able to go far away for school or a great new job they don't forget the love and knowledge they received from their own Grammie and Papa. It will always come in handy.

~Elizabeth Whittemore