Let’s face it ladies.  When it comes to love, we lose all sense of balance, good judgement and ability to discern the bad boys from the good ones.  There are rare exceptions who pick the right men and stay, blissfully happy with them for life...but that is not our norm.  As you may know, I’ve married more than once...okay, more than twice, which makes me somewhat of an expert on this topic. 

With my Mr. Two, there were enough red flags as to be obvious that this was going to be a train wreck of epic proportions.  But, women being women (especially at a younger age)...they want to support each other and haven’t grown old and wise enough to just sit us down, shake us by the shoulders and say, “WTF!  Have you lost your MIND?  Here, DRINK this martini and SHUT UP!” They would smile when I suggested that they didn’t know the ‘real’ man with whom I had fallen hopelessly, off-the-cliff in love, and that if they could just peek through our windows without his knowledge, they would see how precious, funny and loving he really was. Forget the fact that he was socially inept, a bully and controlled my every thought, word and deed.

Finally, in middle age, we’ve come to the conclusion that we can’t be trusted to pick the appropriate mate.  Those of us who are still hoping to have any relationship at all are turning the decisions over to a committee made up of the women in our golden circle who will actually tell us that we’re making a mistake if we are.  These would be the same women who would tell us to STOP USING THAT LIPSTICK PENCIL!    This committee is NOT made up of pansy-ass ‘yes’ women who would agree with us because they don’t want to lose the friendship.  And, because love makes us insane, they would create an ‘intervention’ if necessary, to make absolutely certain that we realize our monumental mistake before it’s too late.

So, you middle-aged, potential male candidates...as if you’re not confused by us enough at this point, KNOW that you will be invited to many gatherings of ‘the committee,’ and unbeknownst to you, they will be filling out their mental evaluation sheets with X’s or checks.  This will take place early on, before we’ve mired ourselves in the quicksand of that early flush of love...or lust.  Think of it as an obstacle course of love in which you must compete...but not against another suitor...against a MUCH more formidable foe...our WOMEN...our scouts, our due-diligence platoon.  Should they approve, you will then qualify for the love ride of your life, having picked one fabulous, funny, beautiful Texas woman.  BUT, also know that you must be ‘re-certified’ every year (by the committee) in order to prove that you were who you appeared to be during the first exam.  This will keep you on your toes and courting us the rest of our lives, which is all we want anyway.

Good Luck and God Speed!

KK

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I have really shitty taste in men.  That being said, if I do come across someone I’m interested in, I’m going to run him through the gauntlet of my women friends before I even share a Caesar Salad with him.  This I have learned from experience and watching KK’s husbands.

I don’t know about you other women out there, but every time I fell hard in love there was one specific moment when I still had my wits about me and was able to make that final decision. Jump!  Go for it!  Or walk away.  No, run like a bat out of hell and never look back.  If you have to make that decision at all then it’d be safe to say that the latter choice would be the one to make.  But we don’t.  We make excuses for him, defend his obvious shortcomings, and assure our stern-faced friends that they just don’t know him yet.  Never mind that he has alienated every one of them and ‘girls’ night out’ has turned into ‘make-his-favorite-nachos-night’ while he completely ignores you in favor of whatever sports event is on the tube.  Oh, well, you think, I can always do my toenails.

When my last boyfriend came to Austin to meet my family, KK had his number in five minutes flat.  She hated him.  Oh, if only I had listened to her…but by then I was too far gone.  See, that’s what happens, the pheromones start sparking, and before you know it your girl friends are hinting that you don’t have a mind anymore but at least your toenails look really good.

The only way to remain objective when it comes to love is to trust your BFF in the beginning and if need be, get out fast before you find yourself giving up girl-talk in favor of making sure he thinks you are the perfect woman.  Ladies, in this day and age, the chances are that your girl friends will last a lot longer than any boyfriend or husband.  My priorities now are geared toward sticking with the people who love who I am, pet my cat and mean it, and love me when my hair is wet and I’m pissed off.

That’s freedom, girls.  That’s love.

SalGal