A way to go

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Added: Sat. Sep 19, 2009 2:37pm
Posted in: Family

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This blog might not be up to standard, as I am typing in between visits to the old peoples home where my mother is dying. She is 85 and she had been suffering from dementia for years. She weighs almost nothing now, and she is unconcious, as she is dehydrating, she can't eat or drink. There was fluid behind the lungs, she got oxygene, and pills to dehydrate, that worked well, but she became very weak because all of this and now her body has lost the fight.

She had been very ill before, but not as weak as now. We had discussed the matter with the doctor, and he asked us what we wanted to happen. We (my husband and I) agreed that she should not suffer more than needed, and we would agree to what ever they could do to help her die comfortably.

Years ago we already had signed a statement that she would not be reanimated. It is what she wanted too. Later I had to make a decission whether or not she would be given morfine when needed. Today the doctor and the nurse and I discussed again what to do. She looked very restless, shaking and it was as if she had nightmares, but it can also be hallucinations. Anyway, she was not comfortable at all. We decided that she was to get morfine. And this time she was given the first dosis. I watched as the nurse put the needle in her chest, as there it would be most effective. Unfortunately it was a bit discomforting for her, it hurted and she moaned, but soon after the shot, she became very calm. She sleeps now. At 11 pm she will get the next shot, but at a different spot (leg) where it will not hurt, and so on till the end.

Now my eldest son just called and I will meet him there for what very well might be her last night. I so hope she will sleep for ever in peace. She was wonderfull. Mama, goodnight.

Albertje Zeeders-Velvis

23-02-1924 - 20-09-2009

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Ina
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Posted 7:00am September 24th, 2009
Thank you so much Miss Dazey Vannie Linda K Tom and Mary, for your kind words, even though we don't know each other, these comments do mean a lot to me. Death of a loved one is a universal grieve I think, we all have to go through this at times and it is comforting to read friendly words. Tomorrow is the funeral. There is a lot to be done so bye for now.
Running with Stilettos
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Posted 9:16pm September 22nd, 2009

Hi Ina, you have my deepest sympathies. I just went through the same thing a couple of weeks ago with my father. The second guessing I went through as to what I should have been doing or not doing on every day was enough to eat me alive, but I choose to find comfort in the words of my best friend who's a nurse, that I made the best choices I could with the best medical advice I had at the time! Somehow it's made the aftermath of a really awful time a lot more gentle. I found a lot comfort in friends and family too, in looking forward and going back to taking care of the living...

Mary

www.runningwithstilettos.com
Tom Ratcliff
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Posted 4:10pm September 21st, 2009
All your Mother needed from you is your LOVE for her .... GOD has already taken care of the rest.
Tom
Vannie
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Posted 12:35pm September 21st, 2009

Ina, my heart goes out to you and your family. I know it was hard to let go, but you did the right thing and quite possibly the hardest thing you will ever have to do. You have released your mom from pain and the horrible inbetween-world that dementia and alzheimer patients must endure.

Blessings to you for having the courage let mom slip quietly into the night.

Vannie
linda k
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Posted 10:32am September 21st, 2009
I am sorry for the loss of your mother. Watching your mother leave this world could not be easy but take comfort that she is at peace now and in God's hands.
MissDazey
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Posted 7:54pm September 20th, 2009

Ina, again I am so sorry. Please be kind and gentle to yourself during the next few weeks. Let others care for you now.

MissDazey
Ina
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Posted 4:21pm September 20th, 2009

Thank you Miss Dazey, Sassy and Ginger, for your kind words.

My mother stopped living at 17.30 this afternoon, she went very paeceful. She has not been consious anymore. I was there all day, my husband joined me later and we had just left her no longer than one minute to go home make a meal for my family, when she died....
Ginger!
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Posted 12:03am September 20th, 2009

Ina,

My heart goes out to you and your family during this difficult time. Whether to use all methods available to extend a loved one's life, (but not the quality of it) or allowing nature to take its own course is one of the hardest decisions a person ever has to make.

May the hand of God comfort all of you through this.

Ginger!
Sassy
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Posted 8:45pm September 19th, 2009

Ina, I am so sorry.

You are making the right choice. They do have a morfine that goes under the tounge, they used it on my mom.

Be strong, She has earned her journey to heaven.

Just remember you both keep the love with you forever.

Keeping you both in my prayers.

Sassy
MissDazey
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Posted 3:03pm September 19th, 2009

I am so sorry. Those are always very difficult decisions, but know she knows even during this stage you love her, she loves you. May this be a peaceful transition her.

Blessings and Peace to you all.

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A way to go

Ina