Inside-Outside Voices

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Added: Tue. Feb 10, 2009 2:28pm
Posted in: Family

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2 Voices Seperated by 1 Generation

Dear Growing Bolder Community:
As I was talking to my son Brandon's girlfriend today I realized I ask her quite frequently "is this what is really going on out there?" Even though I am a therapist who sees a great number of adolescent girls for various issues and keep current with the latest research, culture news, and internet social web sites--well, to be honest, sometimes it all seems too much for even me to believe.  Moms, dads, grandma's, and grandpa's what I am finding out is that sex, drugs, and inappropriate internet use is the juggernaut in lives far to young to know how to deal with these life altering choices.  Elizabeth has been my outside voice many times confirming" yes indeed Dee, all that you are hearing inside your office really is going on out there".  So, as we spoke this morning an idea was born and we have decided to share it with you. Elizabeth is young, intelligent, and very well plugged in to what is happening in the youth culture right now. She already has her own successful blog.  She is set to literally be a roving journalist asking tough questions to our younger generation and then dialogging with me to give you the best advice 2 generationally divergent voices can. We are looking forward to this new adventure and hope you find it interesting and informative.

Voyerism.It's all the rage these days with kids and adults alike. Sites like Youtube and Myspace are making it easier and easier for young kids to get caught up in things that are way beyond their understanding. Now, don't get me wrong, as a woman approaching 29 years of age, I have a Myspace account, as well as a Facebook and a Blog. But I am an adult, I am not a 12 year old posting pictures of myself in my underwear. Facebook was originally created to help college students network with one another. Now socail networking has become a place where anyone can share whatever they like, whenever they like. There are no safe guards between a 12 year old and a 35 year old. I talked to many kids in my home state of Connecticut, most of them under the age of 18. Many already have pictures of themselves and classmates with alcohol in their hands as they willingly pose for the camera. They are applauded by others leaving them comments underneath each picture. When I was 12, I was using the internet to play computer games, not to send racy emails and photos. At the same time, can you really blame them, when they are being bombarded with television images of reality shows that even go so far as to supply free alcohol to their cast members. That's "good" television. As adults, we are completely to blame. This generation of parents tries hard to justify long hours and nannies, telling themsleves that they are providing a better life for their kids than their parents. But the truth is, kids need guidelines and restrictions. You cannot hand this new generation everything on a silver platter, because what I like to call "The Entitlement  Factor" is way beyond control. We are raising lazy brats. Giving a pre-teen a cell phone isn't ecessary; monitoring their computer use is. Parents need to be present and pay attention to what their kids are doing. Technology cannot be allowed to be the babysitter any longer.
 ELIZABETH WHITTEMORE

 

My generation is the first to witness the availability for anyone to see anything. Our large boxy black and white tv's that brought us only 3 channels  have morphed into flat screen high definition versions that deliver hundreds of channels from any place in the world. These channels run the gamut from informative history shows to shows called "Intervention" and "Girls Gone Wild".  Even the commercials our children see are graphically selling items so personal I am appalled.  I am really fuddy duddely appalled.  . And don't forget, we have these little devices called lap tops that enable our children to take all these visual experiences with them wherever they may go. The phrase "we have the world at our finger tips" is not a metaphor anymore. It is literally true. And with a certain age group I don't believe this is an advantage.  Why? Because their young brains are still forming, are still vulnerable, and still unable to understand the full consequences of their choices.  It's one thing for our parents to have listened to Zane Grey mysteries on their little crystal radio sets but it's a completely different thing to see full nudity, sexual acts, drug use, and the glorification of teen pregnancies in brilliant high definition anytime one wants. The young brain can't handle all of this stimulation  and this is evidenced by the higher suicide rate in teens, eating disorders, cutting, and a growing dependency on psychotropic drugs. What is to be done? Well, we know technology is not going to slow down but parents can slow down the rate at which their children are exposed to this technology. Up until the early teens children want control, routine, and parents they can respect. If this early ground work is done our up and coming generation will be better prepared to face the enormous amount of peer pressure they are going to be exposed to starting in middle school. And to be honest, probably before that.  I know parents are more concerned than ever with just putting food on the table and making the mortgage payment.  Yes, the necessities of life are getting harder to afford.  But what you really can't afford to do is  stop being involved with your children. They desperately need you. And so do their children.

Written by: Deedra Hunter is a Certified Eating Disorder Specialist and Licensed Mental Health Counselor who has also published a book called; Winning Custody: A Woman’s Guide to Retaining Custody of Her Children. She has been a mental health professional for over 20 years and specializes in the counseling and treatment of eating disorders. She received her Bachelor of Arts degree from