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When my four sons were little, we all attended church and  had them dedicated to the Lord. While watching them grow, the Lord impressed upon me to let my kids go. Meaning, to give them to Him for protection and to lead them.

I didn't want to be like my mother. I didn't want to impose or oppress my children in any way. I didn't want to meddle in my children's lives unless there was a problem they could not handle. Then I would only give them advice.

My youngest son Daniel will be going to school to train in welding. My home will be silent once again. Whenever he would go to Phoenix to work, I would have the house to myself. Now, with him leaving again in August, I wonder at the prospect of being alone through the winter months.

I don't see myself shoveling snow, breaking up ice on the windshiel, or slipping on the road when the snow melts or freezes over. I don't like to drive in the snow, even though I'm from Michigan and Flagstaff, Arizona where it snowed continuously through the winter months.

So the question rises. Shall I move? Or will there be anyone that would share my home and the responsibilities that go with it. When we had our wood stove, my son would always chop the wood for me or haul in coal. Now I have only propane to keep me warm.and space heaters.

I have to consider the possibility that my time here in Vanderwagen and Gallup are coming to a close. My age has something to do with it also. I can't get health coverage where I work. There is no 401K's or retirement funds available.

I have also considered working from home so that I can spend more time on music and writing and art. I have so many projects that need to get finished before I die and I have to work in order to survive. My husband's social security, although fairly large, isn't enough to support me at home.

So in that silence, I hear the voice of the Lord say get my things ready. I may end up leaving. I really love the church I'm at and the people there, but still there is no companion, no one to talk to at home that is on the same page. There is no one to share my thoughts and dreams with. My son doesn't pray with me like I've wanted but he loves me and has wanted to help out financially when possible.

With no one to confide in except the Lord, it is difficult. I talk with my pastor and his wife and Cindi, who helps in worship, but still there is that nagging inside. Where am I going? Do I have to stay here? Is there something else that I should be doing?

My prayer goes out. I need some answers soon. I will continue in the path that I'm in at the present, leading worship, going to work, teaching piano to students that aren't committed. I know there is more for me to accomplish.

My sons want me to move closer to them but I'd have to take time off to find work and find a place that I could afford. That will be a problem. Then there's more earthly possessions that I'll have to part with. That shouldn't be a problem. There are books, records, tapes and cd's and music books, artwork and supplies, photo albums, etc.

Wherever I go, I know the Lord will use me. I feel at home practically anywhere so moving isn't a problem either, although I hate the idea of packing, lifting and aching for a while after. I tell people I'm like a chameleon and can adjust to the climate, the people, the location and most any situation.