Two Voices Separated by 1 Generation

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Added: Mon. May 04, 2009 1:07pm
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SING OUT LOUISE- When I was little, I competed in dance competitions. Hair plastered to my head, three costumes changes and make up fit for a queen. My mother was unlike all the other mothers in my dance troupe. My mother was not a "stage-mother." I was 9 the first time one of these moms asked if I wanted Vaseline for my teeth, and rolled her eyes at me when I politely declined. One year, a mother from another team, stared down one of my fellows dancers so harshly from the audience, that we missed a cue and ended up losing the competition.

 

Many parents today are living vicariously through their children. Some may want them to attend a school that they could never have gotten into. Others push for a perfect SAT score. In high school, I witnessed a boy being slapped across his face for not having a better time in a track race. Forget the fact that he won, it still wasn't good enough for his father. Young people have enough pressure these days, with college getting increasingly more difficult to attend and the economy not making it any easier to find a decent job.

 

I understand that parents want their kids to have opportunities that they did not, but there is a more productive way to go about this. Kids need encouragement, not threats. They need pats on the back, not skewed priorities. This overwhelming behavior is causing kids to feel unworthy and under appreciated. Love them for who they are, not for who YOU want to be.

 

~ELIZABETH WHITTEMORE

 

 

 

 

SING OUT LOUISE PART TWO

 

As Elizabeth and I sat in a Broadway theater last year watching the Tony winning show "Gypsy" she and I both would have jumped up on that stage and started singing in a heartbeat.  We both knew the entire score and would have loved Mama Rose to scream at us to "sing out Louise".  We both had childhoods filled with singing, dancing, and drama classes and neither one of us had stage mothers.  Elizabeth  continued with her performing past high school but I did not.  I longed to, but outside forces and inside conflicts pushed me in a different direction.  When I turned 40 my daughter was 3 and I was getting those stars back in my eyes. I even put her brothers in dance classes.  I was getting pushy and thankfully I was smart enough to know my beautiful children, especially Kristina, didn't need a pushy stage mother.  The counselor put herself in counseling and I cried through six sessions learning to accept the fact I was never going to be a dancer on Broadway.  It came as no surprise that my children dropped their dance classes as soon as I dropped my long held dance fantasy.

 

 I believe the three most important things parents can give their children are:

 

1. The ability to soothe themselves.

2. The ability to set limits or boundaries for themselves and others.

3. The ability to assert their independence-to feel comfortable meeting their needs and longings.

 

Living through your children puts a heavy burden on them and robs you of finding the passion within yourself that makes it worth living.  "Sing out Louise" is something I say to motivate myself and my grown children are very grateful they didn't have it directed toward them.

 

Deedra Hunter