Reconnecting at My 40th HS Reunion

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Added: Wed. Nov 04, 2009 9:58am
Posted in: Friendships

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Note: The following was a semi-personal Email that I wrote to a dozen of my former classmates about 6 hours after our 40th high school reunion. As you’ll see, the experience was profound. I never intended this as a blog but some of my GB colleagues felt that it touches a universal truth about reconnecting and delivers a healthy does of the GB philosophy. I hope you’ll agree which is why I'm opening up a bit of my personal life.

Gang,

I’m sitting at the gate at the Cincinnati Airport and have 30 minutes to kill before my flight home to Orlando. I’m running on fumes after 4 hours of sleep and I imagine my blood-alcohol level would interest the State Patrol. It’s been an incredible 48 hours -- hard to put into words but I’m compelled to try before I lose this sleep-deprived buzz and return to the real world. I’m afraid if I wait until tomorrow, it wouldn’t make the top 5 on my to-do list and I’d manage little more than, “Wow, what a weekend.” So at the risk for seeming a sentimental boor, a pompous ass, or something in between -- here goes.

I came to Cincinnati fully aware that it would be an experience -- but not at all sure if it would be an experience I’d want to repeat. There’s a certain excitement in that proposition that’s invigorating. A little social unease is a good thing. I came anxious to reach out and reconnect but without a clue as to how easy or difficult it would be.

I’ve never been to a single homecoming or a single reunion. Until a few months ago, I had dedicated zero energy to communicating with any of you. It was nothing personal, just a function of life and laziness. For that, I apologize. This event provided me with an unexpected opportunity to begin making amends and these days I’m all about seizing opportunities.

So what would happen when I walked in Zaring’s front door on Friday night? I have to admit, I was nervous. And I dug it. It’s been 40 years of different jobs, different careers, and in some cases, different spouses. 40 years with new friends, kids, grandkids, successes, and failures. 40 years of different experiences. There was no question we would all be different people.

The first person I encountered was a gorgeous, elegant, sophisticated and fashionable young woman. “Hello, Marc! Do you know who I am?” Damn. 10 seconds in and I was already embarrassing myself. After what seemed like 40 years, she let me off the hook. “I’m Nina Debra Lage.” In that very moment, I knew everything was going to be alright.

I imagine many shy away from their 10th or 20th reunion because they fear they’re not successful enough, they’ve gained too much weight or lost too much hair. The beauty of our age is, who cares? We’re capable of seeing beyond the wrinkles and imperfections. But something even better and more amazing than that occurred. The more I spoke to every one of you, the more interesting, attractive and younger you all became. And that was unbelievably empowering because, like it or not, we are all a reflection of one another. We have been down the same road and turned over the same number of miles. To experience your vitality and passion is to see my own.

I read a quote recently that I can’t get out of my head today. “Never returning to a high school reunion is like dying young.” I think the point is that dying young (or never returning to your high school reunion) ensures that we’re always remembered as we were then. Just as we remember James Dean or Marilyn Monroe. Just as I remember Ken Hoffman, Kathy Graeter, Janis Asher and the others that I regrettably never saw again after graduation.

So what’s the take away from this fabulous weekend? I’m grateful that I’ll not remember any of you as a yearbook picture. I’m thankful that fuzzy old memories have been replaced with new vivid ones. I leave knowing that friendships formed 40 years ago are actually stronger, more meaningful and more important to me now than they were then. I leave knowing that I can still party until 4 am although I don’t think that’s a skill that will get much use until the next time we meet.

So what’s next? At this stage of the game it’s all about collecting meaningful experiences. And most experiences you have to not only be open to, you have to create. I look forward to conspiring with you again in the near future because, lets face it, we kicked some serious ass.

Marc

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Marc Middleton
GB Staff
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Posted 3:18pm June 30th, 2011

Thanks, Madgrandma. Have fun at your reunion and please let us know how it goes! We all had so much fun at ours that we are now planning a combined 60th birthday party later this year. I'll let you know how that one turns out.
Madgrandma
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Posted 2:20pm June 30th, 2011

Marc, I love this. Love Love Love it. My 40th high school class reunion approaches next month, and I know I will take away all of the same wonderful experiences that you write about. The folks that do not attend -- or don't care to attend -- their reunions are missing out. Missing out on so so much. Thank you for this, I shared it with my classmates on our 1971 class Facebook page.
mamajane
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Posted 1:05pm November 6th, 2009
In November, 2008, Seminole High School Classes of 58 and 59, Sanford,FL, held a joint 50th Reunion. Everyone agreed that old friends are the best friends in life. Most of us could pick up where we left off years ago and spent a wonderful weekend getting reaquainted, reminiscing, laughing and crying. Totally worth the efforts involved in having this kind of event. We're doing it again in a couple of years. MJB
Bobbe Lyon
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Posted 9:06pm November 5th, 2009

I went back to Milwaukee, WI, for my 40th. HS class reunion. I'm so glad I did. We are aging well. We laughed, danced, swapped HS tales and drank lots of beer. (it's Milwaukee, remember?) Some of the couples had been HS sweethearts,married and were still together! wow Like I said, "we're aging well" I'm glad I went.

Bobbe Lyon

St. John Cathedral HS
Nanaesquire
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Posted 7:59pm November 5th, 2009
P.S. That quote that you mentioned is so true! I like that.
Nanaesquire
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Posted 7:56pm November 5th, 2009

Your post was very touching. It has always bothered me that some people have no desire to know about the reunions, let alone attend any of them. I've attended many of them, most recently my 55th high school reunion. We still have very large attendance and everyone truly seems to enjoy themselves. I still meet regularly with 2 women that I've known since 3rd grade and occasionally we'll invite 2 or 3 others from that era. We even have a group from high school that does motor home travelling together all the time. There must be about 40 or more of them that make the rounds where all the Seniors (senior citizens, that is) go. They party, eat, read, play cards, whatever strikes their fancy for days at a time and they all love it. I'm all for reunions and attend every one that I can. I've always enjoyed them and love to renew old friendships.
doohic
GB Staff
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Posted 4:47pm November 5th, 2009
I've shared this story with my fellow classmates in hopes of inspiring future reunions. I went to my 10 year this past July, It was fun but a real let down... that.. oh.. 10 classmates were there out of 100. But it was only the first reunion, which was poorly planned. Thanks for sharing and I appreciate the fact you took the time to write this letter to your classmates, many people don't take the time, and it really does make a big impact.
Robert S.
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Posted 11:37am November 5th, 2009
This must be a year of rediscovery. Like you, I travelled up north for a reunion. But mine was a bit different. It was our 41st grade school reunion. St. Agnes Class of 1968, Buffalo NY to be exact. No significance to the anniversary or date - just a former classmate Della's great idea. Out of 40, 29 showed up. A few of us from out of state. I think everyone was nervous - for their own reasons. I was like a kid at Christmas. Not sure what I would find, but excited anyway. And I wasn't disappointed. We all seemed to pick up where we left off. We've got pictures & video to remember it by. And thanks to Facebook, we still chat and stay in contact. Thanks to Della's wacky idea we are all richer people now. And feeling a bit younger.
Margie Writes
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Posted 11:01am November 5th, 2009

Hey Marc

I just returned from a 43 high school reunion and it was a trip, as you also discovered. There were 29 in my class at an all girls Catholic High School in Rhode Isalnd. The reunion was held for anyone who had ever graduated our now defunct school which included Kindergarten through 12th grade. I went to recess with kindergarteners as a senior! I stayed in touch with two classmates throughout the years via Christmas newsletters and stayed with the one who never left the area. Sadly the third member ofour trio passed away just months before the reunion. That was the bittersweet. The rest was pure hysteria. Five classmates showed up and amazingly we found that we may have changed physically, but as soon as we opened our mouths, we all were exatly the same. A LOT of squealing and OMG's when we found each other. The interesting part was how we each had a different recollection of the exact same incident and was sure that it had happened our way. A few had amazing memories for names and events. I always felt bad that I couldn't remember all the little details. I went off to college and joined the Navy to see the world. My friend married out of high school and stayed in the same town. She remembers everything. I remember nothing. But in talking to my other reunion classmates, I was comforted to know that they couldn't remember much either. I enjoyed a weekend of multi-emotions from sadness over classmate deaths, to laughing at how we hadn't changed all that much and relief that I didn't look as old as everyone else..ha ha. Here's to the old days, Marc...may they be fondly remembered by us all as we enjoy the present in good health and filled with love.
Marc Middleton
GB Staff
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Posted 8:08pm November 4th, 2009
Thanks, Terry. Now I have one regret for the weekend. I didn't know were were so
close. I definitely would have called. Now I know. Next time.
Terry
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Posted 7:59pm November 4th, 2009
Marc, you certainly captured the essence of what Growing Bolder it about in your reunion experience. I'm happy that you went to the shindig and saw the sweet, young faces through the aging ones in front of you. Bravo! I had a similar experience at my 50th reunion in 2005. It's quite a jolt, isn't it? BTW, you were less than a mile from my home when you were at the airport...I could have probably helped you maintain or soften that buzz before your flight to Orlando! lol Great blog!

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Reconnecting at My 40th HS Reunion

Marc Middleton