Here's a hilarious spoof from The Onion of a news report on long time fans of the Star Trek franchise outraged because JJ Abrams created an entertaining, action packed thriller which betrays what Star Trek is all about.

Indeed, many long time fans really are up in arms, feeling that the spirit of the original has been forsaken in an effort to create a box office hit. What's so wrong about that? Well, Star Trek purist Gary Kerr explains:

Keeping in mind the fact that today’s movies must reflect modern sensibilities, here’s my treatment for a movie I want to pitch:

This is a movie about the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, but I had to make changes to appeal to my target audience: 15-25 year old males. 

First, I updated the attacking planes, since Mitsubishi Zeros are over 60 years old.  I mean, PROPELLOR planes are so 20th century.  Hip, modern audiences wouldn’t believe that these outdated planes could cripple the Pacific Fleet, so in my improved story, the Japanese are flying F-16s, which are way cooler than Zeros.

Second, I moved the site of the attack to the Washington DC Navy Yard so I could have a cool scene where 25-year-old studmuffin FDR floats out of the White House on his hover-chair, witnesses the attack, and realizes that it’s his destiny to win the war. 

By the way, FDR’s coming from a wealthy, patrician family isn’t edgy enough for today’s young males, so in my version, FDR is confined to his hover-chair, following an assault by his abusive step-father.

Following some steamy sex with his super-hot wife, Eleanor, FDR and the members of his Cabinet (all 25 years old, since they were all in the same high school graduating class), jump into their F-22 Raptors, follow the Japanese jets, and sink the Japanese fleet with tactical nukes.  End of story.

Sounds like a sure-fire hit to me!  JJ – call me.

Gary

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