Whom Shall I Be Today??
As one half of
the Midlife Gals, I’ve been a Sister of the Bad Habit, an Easter Nazi,
a Lebowski Dudette, Nurse Ratchett, a rodeo announcer, Queen Lizbet, a
detective...and so many others. How many people can say that? Not
many, I hope, cuz it can get a little confusing up in my head with all
these characters floating around, just waiting to be called upon to
take over my ‘dimensions’ for a day.
On
the other hand, I’ve been a secretary, a medical transcriptionist, a
receptionist, a shop owner, a sales clerk, a waitress...and so many
others...others that, although they served me well at those times, have
been packed away now in my Naugahyde-left-brain-bad-memory suitcase,
and it’s in storage. Been there, done that. It’s time to let the
characters out now.
Would
that I cared more about what people might think when one of my nutty
alter-egos jumps forth for the day, but at this age, there’s just not
enough time to worry about it (it takes SUCH a long time to worry...ya
gotta go over and over things until they’re horribly clear in your
mind...and then...well, it’s just too much). And, as The Ancient One
is want to say when I might be worried about what someone is thinking
of me, “Just THINK of how much time that person is spending NOT
thinking about you.” “Thanks, Mom...I feel so much better now.”
I
don’t even know what my next personality manifestation is going to be
which is the MOST fun. She will just surprise me one morning, and
reveal herself when I’m deciding what to wear. My ‘costume’ will
magically appear on my body and then off I’ll go, creating tomfoolery
wherever I might find myself that day. Try it. You’ll either wind up
in jail or discover a whole new way of living.
KK
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Let’s
see, whom have I been as one-half of The Midlife Gals? I’ve been a
nun, an elf, Mayree-Queen of Scotts, a woman in a coma, a Jazzy Scooter
Gymnast, and Miss Edith Pilaf. The last one mentioned having had the
most hits on YouTube although some of the most threatening comments.
Lighten up all you Edith Piaf fans out there - it was only a movie!
And besides, the hat I wore was funnier than shit.
As
a real working female professional, I have been a casting director, a
messenger, an acting coach, an actor/producer, and a maker of crepes on
top of Rendezvous Mountain in the Grand Tetons. The last one was
actually my first job in life and people left me joints as tips. This
was not unusual in 1970 and it’s not hard to make cheddar/blueberry
crepes when you’re stoned.
My
therapist told me I am a split personality. I had always assumed that
it was a manifestation of my Gemini sun sign but she says it is a
little more substantial than that. There is the sweet, naïve, ‘I trust
everybody’ SalGal, and then there is the ‘don’t fuck with me’, shoot-
the-finger, tell the waiter to take it back SalGal. The latter one
protects the sweet one.
I’ve
definitely got the angel on one shoulder and the ‘whorebitch fromhell’
on the other. I’m really genuinely nice to people with whom I do
business all day, except for the odd times when I feel I’m being
cheated, lectured or lied to, or threatened with a gun. You can have
all three of those things happen to you at the same time. That could
happen if you were a hostage maybe. Or it could happen if you pissed KK
off enough.
Anyway….I
am honest and express myself authentically in most moments. I’m an
acting coach for God’s sake. We actors have to accept our darker human
traits. We have to look into the shadows and be happy to spend time in
the darkness of the human soul. It’s kind of like going into the
dressing room of a strip club. There’s trash all over the place, it
smells like a Vegas hair salon, and somebody’s butt is always in your
face.